Murphy's Law
by The Plushie Bandit
Summary: Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong. Follow Sanji and Zoro as they get through work, relationships, each other, and just about anything else life throws at them. FRIENDSHIP ZoroSanji! [ZoroLuffy and SanjiUsopp]
1. Blissful Mornings

Bandit- (sighs) Well, I hung out as long as I could, but the call of OP got me in the end. (grins) Ah well, I'm not too upset! To all my BDAR fans who want to maim me right now, I will be finishing my FMA story! (hears cheering) I just need to get started on a OP multi-fic. This one won't leave me alone, so write I must. I'm a slave to my own imagination. :p

And to those who might (hopefully) be reviewing this story… I'm asking for help here. I haven't seen much of the OP subbed version (I've been cursed with watching the dubs… pity me XD) and I just started reading the manga. So this story is me getting in touch with writing the characters; an experiment. If you notice any OOC at all, don't be afraid to tell me what I did wrong. The more you help me, the better the story will be… hopefully. XD

And now let's get this gravy train moving!

Disclaimer- I can wish, but that never works anyway...

* * *

Zoro was _not _a morning person, a fact known by every man, animal, inanimate object and anything else God created. This, of course, didn't stop the sun from rising (though it was probably scared shitless that Zoro might come after it with his swords one of these days…), but it did keep mostly everyone from waking him up early in the morning. 

Notice that 'mostly' is stated.

"SHIT HEAD! GET YOUR SHITTY ASS OUT OF BED!" More out of reflex than actually being awake, Zoro swiftly moved his head just before a boot connected with his pillow, a second away from a concussion. The movement also caused the swordsman to fall out of his warm bed with a loud thud, which was just what a certain cook wanted him to do.

Sanji watched Zoro twitch on the floor, a smirk gracing his lips. Never had he seen the man look so damn pathetic. It was a guilty pleasure of his, but just like with cigarettes, he couldn't seem to quit… and he wasn't gonna try anytime soon.

Like a vampire, Zoro hissed as the light from the window hit his eyes. His first coherent thought of the day was, _'Why do I always have to land in the fucking light?' _, followed closely by, _'Today's the day I'm gonna murder that cook… well, at least after breakfast.'_

"You awake yet, sunshine?" The only reply the blond got was a grunt, along with more struggling to sit upright. "I'll take that as a yes." With his first mission now complete, Sanji wandered out of Zoro's bedroom and into the kitchen, preparing to make breakfast for the two of them and coffee for the Neanderthal.

"My skills as a cook wasted on him," the man muttered to himself with a slight shake of his head. He set the skillet on the stove and turned on the heat, then went to the fridge to grab some eggs and sausage. He wasn't in the mood to make anything big; it was partly Zoro's fault anyway. If the man bothered to get up on time instead of relying on him to wake his ass up, there'd be more time for breakfast.

'_Already 7:15...'_ he thought, glancing at the microwave clock_. 'Damn, why am I always running late?'_ He'd have to make this fast. The last thing he wanted right now was the old man breathing down his neck for being late again.

By the time breakfast was made Zoro came stomping in, his eyes still half closed and hair dripping wet from his morning shower. He didn't bother with a good morning; he and Sanji didn't do good mornings, not in this apartment. Right then all Zoro wanted was his coffee so he could start thinking properly. "Ugh…"

"Just seeing you this morning tells me this is gonna be a shitty day." Sanji slammed a cup of coffee in front of Zoro, staring as the man downed half of it, choked from the scalding heat, then downed the rest. Without a word, the swordsman held his cup out for more. "Still can't form sentences yet?"

"Fuck off and get me more coffee."

Sanji snorted. "Just for that, you can get it yourself." The cook turned around to pile some food on Zoro's plate and set it on the table. "You should be grateful I even cook for you with that attitude."

Zoro rolled his eyes, not bothering to respond to Sanji's morning whine. So he tuned the blond out and started shoveling food in his mouth. The man might be a royal pain, but at least he could cook a decent meal.

It was obvious Zoro wasn't listening to him; Sanji could immediately tell but wasn't ready to correct him yet for his rudeness. _'Let the cabbage head think he's safe…' _He kept rambling on and on, then at the right moment struck out with his left foot.

Zoro caught the flying limb in midair, still calmly chewing his breakfast. When he swallowed, he asked, "What's _your _problem this morning?"

"If you'd been listening, you wouldn't have to ask that question," Sanji snarled, ripping his leg from Zoro's grip. "Remind me again why I have to room with a cabbage head?"

Zoro glared, but kept his cool. At least for now. "Why do you always ask that question?"

"Just answer it so I can feel better!"

With a sigh, Zoro got out of his chair to get more coffee. "Because our parents were good friends and insisted we share an apartment to save money or something equally stupid like that. And we agreed because I have the car, you have the cooking skills, and we're both idiots."

"Ah." Sanji searched his usual black suit for cigarettes. "Of course. But for the record, you're the idiot."

"Whatever." Zoro just didn't feel up for a verbal fight right now and promptly ignored the man for more of that life-giving elixir that made sure he didn't murder anyone for the rest of the day. Anyone excluding Sanji, of course.

Sensing Zoro's lack of participation in their morning ritual, Sanji abandoned the swordsman to straighten himself up. He had to look appropriate. After all, he might meet a lovely lady and the last thing he wanted to look like was scrub or something equally damaging. Usopp might laugh at his obsession with his looks, but his friend didn't understand the complicated yet simplistic way to grab a women's attention. If you looked terrible, then women assumed you were. End of story, case closed, fin. But if you looked good enough to eat, your chances of getting noticed rose by a good fifty percent.

At first his nose wrinkled up at the sight of Zoro's underwear strewn on the floor for him to see. God, he couldn't stand that. But then Sanji couldn't help but grin at himself as he directed his attention to the mirror of the small bathroom. It had to be admitted that he looked irresistibly attractive today, especially with that cig hanging from his mouth. "Maybe this will be a good day," he told his reflection, winking at it. "You're gonna find your dream girl, you sexy thing."

"If you have to remind yourself that you're sexy, then you're not." Zoro smirked to himself, leaning against the bathroom door. "And just so you know, women don't find it very attractive if you talk to yourself."

"How would you know?" Sanji snapped, peeved he'd been caught. Damn bastard. "You haven't had a date your entire fucking life!" Zoro's smile did a one-eighty.

"I don't have time for stupid things like _'dates'_."

"Which basically means you can't get one."

"I can _too _get a date! I just don't have time!"

"Sure." Sanji's expression didn't look convinced. "The chances of you getting a date are the same as my chances of going up to some random guy and asking him to fuck me."

"So you _are _a man slut." Immediately Zoro ducked, a limb flung where his head had been moments ago. The man couldn't help but grin; the fastest way to grate on Sanji's nerves was to challenge his sexuality. _'So predictable…'_

He felt the foot swing down on his head, his brain scrambling in all directions from the impact. Safe to say the swordsman didn't see _that _coming. "SHIT!"

"Language, Zoro," Sanji chided, taking a deep drag from his cigarette, his calm returning. "You're in the presence of someone with class." He lowered his foot down, only to swing it back up when it snagged something. "And would you be so kind as to take your dirty underwear out of the bathroom? I'd rather not see that I _was _right and you _don't _wipe your ass."

The underwear landed on Zoro's head, and the man went into battle mode. "You fucking prick, you're not the only one who lives here!" In response to Zoro's words, Sanji held a foot just above the ground, ready to send it flying again.

"My sentiments exactly, shithead!"

Zoro tore the underwear off his head, left hand going to his belt where his swords… usually were. _'Oh shit.'_

His swords were still in his room… and not with _him_… where they _really _needed to be at the moment.

Yep, the rest of his day was gonna suck.

He barely had time to move from the attack, stumbling out of the door and doing an abrupt about-face down the hall. He wasn't running away! Roronoa Zoro was no coward. He just needed to even the playing field.

"Get your ass back in here so I can kick it properly!" Sanji quickly gave chase, keeping his eyes on his opponent. There was no way he was gonna let an opportunity like this pass him by. Served the swordsman right for going into battle unprepared.

Zoro skidded to the right and into his room, having just enough time to grab one sword before Sanji stormed in to make good on his promise and kick him in the ass.

'_Damn.'_ There went his chance to get Zoro without his weapons. Now that he had his swords, the battle just got more intense. "What? Need your little props to beat me?" he sneered.

Zoro unsheathed it, the blade glistening in the morning light. "Does this look like a prop to you?" he answered back, letting the blade swish through the air. "Bring it, Love Cook. It'll take maybe five seconds to slice your pansy ass up."

"Five? You're losing your touch." Sanji balanced on one leg and readied himself. "It will take me three seconds to send you crying home to mommy."

The air thickened in anticipation, the two occupants in the room staring each other down, waiting for the other to flinch so the war could commence. Time stood still, Zoro and Sanji holding their breath, the blood lust shining in their eyes…

And an alarm went off, Zoro's in fact.

It took Zoro exactly one second to realize the buzzing in his head wasn't his imagination and, yes, that _was _Sanji's foot about to connect with his nose. Instinct kicked in and Zoro threw his head back, feeling the air shift in front of him. "Hold it!" Not waiting for a reply, Zoro ran over to the alarm and slammed his hand down on it to make it shut up. He hated his alarm… with a vengeance. Almost as much as he hated Sanji and that was saying something.

"Idiot," Sanji said, the need for battle seeping out of him. "Why do you set your alarm to a time when you should be at work? That makes no sense." Zoro froze.

"Say that again."

Sanji lifted a curled eyebrow. "I always knew you were stupid…"

"You shitty Love Cook! We're late!" Zoro grabbed the alarm clock and shoved it in the blonde's generally direction. It read 7:45. At the sight, Sanji began to curse colorfully, damning Zoro's existence.

"Great! Thanks to you, we're late again!" Both men ran out the room at lightning sped, grabbing various items along the way. "The old man's gonna have my ass filleted!" Another thought occurred to him, and the blond rounded on Zoro. "Damn it, I didn't even get to eat breakfast!" Just another thing to add to his "Why I Hate The Shithead" list.

"You should've eaten then!" Zoro shouted, sheathing his sword and running back into his room for the other two, along with his keys. "Not my fault you were too busy drooling at your own reflection to bother with necessities like eating!"

"At least I have something to drool over!" Sanji tapped his toe impatiently at the front door, waiting for Zoro. It was at these times he really wished he had a car… Then he could just drive and leave the sorry swordsman here.

The green haired man was about to retort but stopped. Instead of heading for where Sanji was waiting, he ran into the kitchen for another cup of coffee. Something in his gut told him he was going to need it today.

"What the hell are you doing!"

"Getting coffee!"

Sanji chewed on his cigarette then spat it out. He'd clean it up later. "We are late, and you're getting coffee?" he yelled.

Zoro finally came out with a hot cup in his hand and his keys in the other. "If I don't have at least three cups I might kill you on the way." There wasn't much Sanji could say to that, because it was true… (1)

They opened the door and locked it behind them, still arguing all the way down the stairs that led to the parking lot. On the way, a young woman in her bathrobe smiled pleasantly at the two of them while reaching for her daily paper, ignoring the quarrel. "Why good morning, Zoro and Sanji."

"Morning, Shayla(2)," Zoro muttered without looking at her.

"Why Shayla-san! You're looking more beautiful with each day that goes by!" Sanji gushed, hearts shining in his eyes as he took in the sight of the woman before him. Shayla raised her eyebrows and smiled, but otherwise ignored the comment. Zoro rolled his eyes in disgust and grabbed the man before he became rooted to the spot.

"I'll take it you're late again?" she asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Zoro retorted, dodging another kick sent his way as they ran past.

"Show some respect to Shayla-san!" Sanji yelled.

"Don't worry about it, Sanji. Just try not to kill each other!" She called after them, waving at their retreating forms.

"Really, why can't you at least be a gentleman in front of a lady?" Sanji snapped angrily as they got to the bottom floor, ripping the door open and racing out to Zoro's car, a red 1985 Chevy that looked like it had seen brighter and cleaner days.

"I don't consider that girl a lady," Zoro explained, jumping into the driver's seat; the roof of the car was missing. "Have you ever seen her in a dress?"

Sanji jumped in as well, grumbling lowly. "No, but I can assure you that she'd look lovely in one, you primitive Neanderthal."

"Whatever, Princess."

Zoro placed his cup in his lap (Zoro didn't trust cup holders) and revved the engine to life, swiftly backing up and out into the busy street left of the apartments. Already he could see he'd be in traffic for a good 15 minutes. _'This isn't my day…' _he complained silently to himself. Well, it never was his day, but he felt it more acutely in the mornings. God damn mornings. It was too early to deal with life at 7:55. What he wouldn't give for some more sleep…

As predicted, it took about 15 minutes before they even reached the first light, which promptly turned red when approached. Sanji looked ready to throw a fit, glaring at Zoro like it was the man's fault. As far as the blond was concerned, it _was _Zoro's fault. "This is all your fault."

"What? I didn't even do anything!" Not needing to watch the road just yet, Zoro turned to Sanji. "Why do you insist on blaming me for everything?"

"Because everything is your fault," Sanji stated stonily. He reached into his pants pocket, grabbing a cigarette and sticking it firmly in his mouth. "It's your fault I'm always late, it's your fault I'm still single, and it's your fault I don't have a car."

"And if you don't shut up, it's gonna be my fault when you're thrown out this car!" Fuming, Zoro closed his eyes and tried that 'count to ten' thing or whatever they said worked to calm people down. _'One, two, three, four--'_

"Hey buddy! Maybe you wanna drive like the rest of us would like to!" Only then did the swordsman realize the light had long ago turned green and a series of honks and screaming were erupting behind them. Zoro wanted to take his sword and kill them all. Screw counting.

He was seriously considering it when Sanji to matters into his own feet and stepped on Zoro's and the accelerator, sending the car zooming down the street. This caused everything inside the car to lurch backward then forward, and this included Zoro's coffee.

"HOLY SHIT! YOU FUCKIN' COOK!" The car swerved and almost crashed into the one next to them. The driver started cussing at them both.

"Serves you right for taking too damn long."

"THE COFFEE SPILLED ALL OVER MY DICK, YOU BASTARD!"

"Suck it up." Sanji was much calmer now that his inner nicotine beast had been appeased for now. He removed his foot and the car slowed down to a more acceptable speed, Zoro swearing and cursing over his abused foot and the burning heat on his groin.

Sanji smirked. His outlook on the upcoming day just to a turn for the better.

* * *

(1) Show of hands! Who thinks Zoro's a morning person? (crickets chirp) My sentiments exactly. ;p 

(2) Yes, that _was_ Shayla (for all my BDAR fans), and no, I don't think she'll be a major character.

Bandit- Well, how did that go? I think I kept them in character, but you never know… And the real problems will come with Usopp and Nami. Drop a review and tell me!

Oh, and one other thing… I noticed there aren't many Sanji/Usopp stories here. There's probably a reason for that… but I don't want any reviews that are gonna scream at me for sticking Usopp with the _'Oh so suave'_ Sanji. You won't even see the yaoi for a while, so just sit back and relax. If you dislike the pairing so much that you're willing to condemn the entire story… (shrugs) Your loss. Those who don't like Sanji/Usopp but will hold judgment, don't care, or _like _the pairing… (glomps you all) My kind of people!

Also, you'll be seeing a lot of very minor OC characters that won't really play a big part in the story. I'm still not sure if I'll have a major OC, but if I do he/she won't be paired with anyone. Sorry, but that's my pet peeve, seeing OC's paired with main characters... unless that character is REALLY good. Yeah, but I'm done rambling! Review people!


	2. Rumors and Students

Bandit- Wow, I actually updated! I'm so proud of myself!

Sanji- (red in the face) I can't believe you're pairing me with Usopp! What the hell's wrong with you!

Bandit- Shut up, Sanji. You don't get a say in the matter.

Zoro- Suck it up, Love Cook. He's not that bad.

Sanji- Why don't you get paired with him then?

Zoro-… I'm with Luffy.

Bandit- Would you both stop arguing so I can post this thing? Gods, stupid muses…

Disclaimer- Nah, I just force them to do my will.

(A/N) Two more characters introduced! (cackles)

* * *

"SANJI!" The blond hid a wince as his boss stormed out of the kitchens, creating a ruckus for all the diners to see. God, this was not his day. "WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING LATE?" 

"Chill, old man," Sanji replied, sticking a new cigarette in his mouth. He'd just gotten inside the restaurant and already getting chewed out. The man had a sixth sense or something when it came to tardiness…"It's just a few minutes… not like it's a big deal or anything." That was one of the dumbest things he could say, and both he and Zeff knew it.

Before Sanji had time to react, his ass was flying through the air and kissing the walls in a split second. The old man could move fast when he wanted to, despite his peg leg.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU _ARE _ASSISTANT CHEF! YOU CAN SHOW UP ON TIME LIKE THE REST OF US! NOW FUCKIN' GET TO WORK!" Zeff gave Sanji the evil eye, then whirled around and stormed his office upstairs without another word.

Customers shook in their seats with wide eyes. They'd known the Baratie could be a violent place to eat at, but most had never seen it first hand. Only the regulars, waiters, and cooks shrugged it off. Seeing Sanji get his ass kicked wasn't anything new.

Calmly, Sanji picked himself off the floor with more grace than someone would give him credit for. Yeah, he was bleeding from a head wound, but the injury was minor; Zeff was in a good mood today… There wasn't even a dent in the wall. _'He had to make me lose my cigarette…'_

"Oi. Sanji!" The blonde glanced up and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Looks like ya got another ass whooping today!"

"Thank you for that update, Pati," Sanji deadpanned, walking away to the bathrooms. God, the man was annoying as hell. "Now stop following me and get your shitty ass back into the kitchens."

"Ho, you're not the boss of me!" Pati totally ignored Sanji's request in favor of harassing him some more. "You think we don't knows why you're always late, but we knows!"

Despite himself, Sanji had to wonder what stupid rumors were flying around, especially if the were about him. "And exactly what do you people know, huh?"

Pati puffed out his massive chest and grinned evilly. "It's obvious! You're rolling around with that roommate of yours… Zoro, ain't it?" Pati's grinned harder as Sanji's face slowly drained of both color and emotion. The man apparently didn't understand the extreme danger he was in. "Yeah, we all knew a pansy like you liked it in the ass, Sanji! You're as gay as they come!" Pati continued on, digging his grave in the process.

Some of the waiters who'd overheard the conversation quickly herded customers near the soon-to-be murder site away to safer grounds. Other's prayed for Pati's soul when he reached the afterlife, and one waiter in particular just dived under the nearest table, ignoring the angry protests from the people sitting there. It was every man for himself because Sanji was about to go off the deep end.

Zeff grunted as he heard the series of smashes and howls of pain from downstairs. He'd bet Pati had just said something extremely stupid. "SANJI! IF ANY OF MY TABLES ARE BROKEN I WILL KICK YOUR ASS OUT THIS RESTAURANT!" he bellowed.

"TAKE IT OUT OF MY PAYCHECK, OLD MAN!" Sanji hollered back, his foot resting on Pati's bleeding back. "I'M GONNA BREAK A FEW THINGS TODAY!"

"Wait! Sanji mercy! I was only joking!" Pati tried to scramble out from under Sanji's Italian boots, but the blonde wasn't done yet. The man applied more pressure with his foot and searched for another cigarette.

"Stop squirming and take your ass whooping like a man," Sanji drawled, smirking nastily. "I'll show you exactly who's the pansy in this restaurant."

* * *

Five minutes later, the Baratie returned to some form of normalcy. Pati was in the medical room Zeff had built onto his restaurant in case of injuries (it was used almost everyday), some of the more squeamish customers had fled, and everyone else ate the rest of their meal as calmly as possible. 

The one waiter who'd scrambled under the table made his reappearance, his eyes glancing back and forth for any danger. When he deemed it safe to get up, the man crawled out and got to his feet, heading directly for the blonde smoking near the entrance door.

"Geeze Sanji! What'd Pati say to set you off this time!" Sanji glanced at the long-nosed boy and looked away.

"Hello, Usopp," he replied easily. "I see you've come out from under that table."

"Hey! I wasn't hiding! The Great Usopp doesn't hide!" Usopp puffed his chest out as he addressed himself in such a manner. "I was checking to make sure there wasn't any gum under the tables! We can't have any dirty tables at the Baratie, after all! The boss would have a fit!" Usopp's face took on an earnest look, as if he believed his own lie.

Sanji resisted smiling. "Did you make that up just now? Not too bad. An idiot might actually believe it."

Usopp huffed loudly and folded his arms, offended. "I'll have you know that was exactly what I was doing!"

In response, Sanji blew a cloud of smoke Usopp's way. "Whatever, needle-nose."

The boy coughed and got ready to shout as his friend when he caught the blood Sanji had suffered from Zeff's rage. "Uh, Sanji… there's still blood on your head." Usopp gingerly touched the small wound and showed his bloody fingers to the blonde. "Come on. Let's get this cleaned up."

Sanji had no time to protest as Usopp dragged him by his jacket straight to the bathrooms. "It's a scrape, Usopp. I'm not gonna die."

"Yeah, that's what you said when Zoro almost gave you that concussion. You were in the hospital for three days." Usopp pulled Sanji through the swinging doors and in front of the nearest sink.

"Shit head got in a lucky shot," Sanji mumbled, straightening his jacket when the long-nosed boy let go. Without any interest, Sanji watched his friend pull off his head scarf and wet it with cold water. "You could just use a towel…"

"Do you know what we wash those in?" Usopp asked, and then handed the handkerchief to Sanji. "It's not soap, I'll tell you that right now. Dab it, Sanji," he instructed when Sanji just stood there with the wet cloth in his hand, staring at Usopp. "And why are you staring at me?"

"Do you know how long it's been since I've seen you with your hair down?" he replied, doing as told. The coolness soothed away the little ache from Zeff's attack. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. Maybe if you kept it like this you'd get a date."

Nervously, Usopp pushed his hair back behind his ears and pulled another scarf to wrap it in. "I hate my hair. It's too curly and gets everywhere," he complained. "And maybe I don't want a girlfriend, Sanji. Not everyone's a major player like you."

"One, I'm not a player. I'm a gentleman. Second, I've seen you eyeing that rich blonde girl that comes down here on Wednesdays," Sanji said. He chuckled lightly as Usopp sputtered in embarrassment. "Oh come off it. Maybe if you actually talked to her you'd have a chance. Even you have some charm." He eyed Usopp with a smirk. "Well, maybe not charm, but you could always make her laugh at your stupidity."

"I don't like her like that! And I have talked to her, so there!"

"Liar."

"I'm serious, Sanji! Her name's Kaya!"

The taller man shrugged. "Whatever you say…" Sanji threw the bloody cloth away to his friend's disappointment. "I'll buy you a new one, though I don't know why. You have at least fifty."

"But that was my favorite," Usopp whined, following Sanji out the bathroom door. "And you knew it!" Once again, the blonde shrugged, not really caring. He was already overdue for greeting the pretty ladies at the front door.

The two walked in companionable silence for once as they headed back toward the main part of the restaurant. They still had customers to wait on, and if Zeff caught either of them doing nothing he'd deduct at least half of their paycheck.

"Hey, Sanji… Why did you beat Pati up?" Usopp asked curiously before they parted ways. While Sanji could practically do as he pleased (as long as Zeff didn't catch him), Usopp was just a waiter and had to get back to work.

Sanji raised a curled eyebrow. "You didn't hear that elephant shout it to half the restaurant?"

"Hey, I took one look at your expression and ran for cover. I know how you get."

"I thought you said you were looking for gum under the tables?" Usopp pointedly ignored that question and waited for Sanji to answer. "Alright… he said the reason I'm always late is because of Zoro."

Usopp looked confused. "I thought that _was _the reason you're always late. At least that's what you tell me."

"He thinks Zoro's fucking me," Sanji deadpanned.

It took Sanji three minutes to calm Usopp down from his laughing fit. "Would you shut your mouth! It's not that funny!" He'd kick the boy into a coma if he wasn't afraid Usopp would laugh himself into it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU AND ZORO? GAHAHAHAHAHA!" Usopp couldn't breathe and had to lean on a wall. Oh, he'd seen those two fight, and there's no way anyone could get them in the same bed, let alone have sex. "WHAT IDIOT CAME UP WITH _THAT _RUMOR?"

Just then, two young waitresses searching the halls stopped and stared at them. "Usopp, you're the one who started the rumor," the blonde woman said while the brown haired one coughed to hide her smile. "Remember? Everyone asked you why Sanji was always late and you said it was probably because Zoro kept him up all night." She nodded to herself. "Yeah, you said that this morning when the boss was going on about how he'd kick Sanji into next week."

Abruptly Usopp stopped his laughter and started to sweat. Slowly, Sanji turned to face Usopp, his face void of any emotion except for the danger reflected in his one visible eye. "Oh yeah, I did say that…" Usopp didn't wait for his friend to respond and ran as fast as his legs would move. "I HAVE TO SERVE THE CUSTOMERS! TALK TO YA LATER!"

'_I know where you live, liar,'_ Sanji seethed silently. Instead of chasing after like he wanted to, Sanji abandoned all thought of Usopp and faced the two women. "Ladies!" he gushed with hearts in his eyes. "Thank you so much for clearing that mess up for me! You're both so smart!" The blond woman blushed at the compliment. The other just rolled her eyes and nodded toward the direction of the kitchen.

"We came to find you, Sanji. Zeff came down and said he wanted you cooking or he'd personally stick his foot up your ass. He's still angry about you coming in late… and he saw all the broken tables." Sanji winced.

"Thank you for telling me." He grinned at them both and bowed. "My pleasure talking to you ladies," he said as a farewell before gliding to the kitchens.

"Becci, stop drooling over him…" The blond didn't hear her, eyes locked on Sanji's ass.

"He's so hot…."

"Oi. You're pathetic."

* * *

"Yo! Zoro-aniki! (1) We got a new student today!" The green haired man resisted the urge to bang his head against something. He'd barely walked through the doors and already bad news. It wasn't that he hated new students; no, he hated the snobby rich kids who thought they knew more about swords than their sensei. Still, he mused, it would be entertaining to kick some new punk ass. Relieved stress, after all. 

"Who is it, Joni?" Zoro asked with as much patience as two cups of coffee would give him. He still needed at least one more to insure his student's well-being. "Don't tell me we got some smart ass or something like that."

The dark haired man with a tattoo on his left cheek came running in from the inner dojo, his facial expression one of nervousness. "Well… he's the… You're not gonna like this," he warned. "The kid's dad wants to buy this place." Joni glanced at the brownish spot on Zoro's pants, but wisely kept silent about it.

'_Damn it.'_ Zoro was far from surprised. Of course his day would turn out like this. He glanced at the clock_. 'And it's only 8:15...'_ "Alright. I'll deal with him, Joni. Just let me meet my new student." Joni nodded and quickly turned with Zoro following.

The swordsman walked down the long hallway decorated by ancient swords and scrolls his father had picked up on his travels. His eyes grazed over them, and the stale taste of bitter resentment filled his mouth. Only these particular swords could piss him off so much. _'Calm down, idiot…' _But he did make the mental note to get rid of those things.

The hallway ended into a large room with mats lined up neatly in a row, along with wooden swords scattered everywhere. The room appeared traditional with sliding wooden doors and glossy boarded floors shining from the overhead lights, but a gym set, computer and TV near the back wall gave it a more modern taste to balance the traditional feel.

All of Zoro's students hadn't heard the assistant master come in; their attention on one teenager who Zoro assumed was his new pupil. Already he wanted to punch the kid's teeth in. The tall teen swept his dark, black eyes around the room with a huge air of supremacy and arrogance, a scabbard hanging at his side. He was the only one to notice Zoro walk in, and immediately the boy sneered in disgust, obviously not pleased by the teacher's appearance.

"Are you the owner of this dump?" he shouted, drawing everyone's attention to Zoro. The tall, brown haired boy strolled up to the swordsman and used his extra two inches on Zoro for intimidation purposes. "My dad's thinking about buying this place, so he sent me here to check it out. From what I've seen, it doesn't look like much." Zoro said nothing, his face passive but one could feel is aura darkening. All his students took a step back. "Do yourself a favor and sell it to my dad. He'll give you much more than its worth."

"What's your name?"

Mistaking the demand for a name as sign of giving in, the boy's smirk widened. "My name's Trevor Toyasaku. My dad's the owner of Katana Co. and he's been eyeing this place for a while. You're making a smart move." Trevor nodded his head, agreeing with himself.

"Don't do it, Zoro-aniki!" Joni chose this moment to speak up, practically jumping up and down. "You can't sell this place! I'll be without a job!"

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Joni, you know I'm not gonna sell it. I just wanted his name for future reference." He looked Trevor in the eyes. "You're never to step into this dojo again. Now leave."

The boy's smile disappeared. "Look, it's not like this place is bringing in much money. Just sell it already."

"No." The green haired man's simple answer was forceful enough to give the snotty boy pause. Trevor certainly didn't feel as confident now. A few chuckles reached his ears, and the boy felt his face burn.

"My dad can totally destroy business for you," he snarled.

"And your dad can wipe my ass, throw diamonds at me, and bring me coffee every morning for all I care… Well, I could use the co-- Uh, NO! I'm not selling. Now get the fuck out." Zoro dismissed the boy with a silent glare promising pain if he didn't get moving. "I have a class to start."

Unfortunately for Zoro, his visitor was a certified dumbass. Trevor's eyes glared with anger as he reached for his one sword menacingly. The entire class, including Joni, backed up all the way to the walls, whispering to themselves. It wasn't everyday a suicidal person walked into the dojo.

"Kid, you don't want to do this." Zoro really didn't want a fight. He'd end up maiming the kid, then he'd have to go to court _again_, and Sanji would bitch and moan when he bailed him out… Yeah, he didn't want to fight. Way too much hassle. "Just do the smart thing and walk away."

Zoro might as well be talking to a tree. Trevor slid his sword out from his scabbard and pointed the tip at Zoro. "Like you can defeat me. Someone who shits their pants can't be much of a challenge!" Trevor sneered at the stain on Zoro's groin and chuckled. No one else dared make a sound.

"It's coffee!" Zoro hissed out, his cheeks turning pink. _'Looks like we're doing this the hard way…' _"Hey Joni. Give me one of the wooden swords." A collective gasp echoed in the room, the students practically in a frenzy. Not only was their teacher gonna fight, he was gonna kick ass with a wooden sword. This beat doing drills any day.

Trevor was much less enthused. The swordsman had the nerve to insult his skills like that. "I'm not some amateur! Use a real sword!" he shouted. "I was trained by the best swordsmen my dad could find!"

Zoro smirked and caught the wooden sword Joni threw at him. "Well, I wasn't your teacher, so your dad didn't find the best."

In complete embarrassment and anger, Trevor charged wildly. Even to the youngest students, it was obvious this guy couldn't hit the wall with his aim. Zoro did the slowest sidestep of his life and Trevor ran past, missing his intended target.

'_Does he even look to see where I'm standing?'_ Zoro mused. Despite his confidence, he kept a sharp eye on the teen, just in case the idiot did have skills and was hiding them.

Trevor turned and made another charge. Zoro sighed softly and got ready to put an end to this pathetic fight when at the last moment, Trevor jumped in the air and directly over Zoro's head. The downward thrust was aimed at Zoro's cranium, and gravity added to the momentum. It was impressive looking, and in the right hands the swordsman might actually be in trouble. In Trevor's hands, it was probably the most ineffective attack in the world.

Zoro took half a step backward and watched Trevor crash to the ground. The sword stood straight up, embedded deep into the wood floor. The rich boy had gotten his own weapon stuck in the ground.

Every single student in Zoro's class howled with laughter at the sight, unable to believe this guy had the balls to challenge their sensei.

"Everyone, quiet." Zoro didn't have to speak that loud for silence to descend on the room. A few giggles still escaped here and there, but a fierce glare from Joni kept them in line.

Trevor fought to yank his sword out from the floor, his face nearly purple from mortification. The green haired man hadn't even swung once, and he'd already lost. _'But that always works! How could I have missed?' _His sword instructor was so fired.

"I hope you're not planning on trying again. I have better things to do than watch your attempt at dancing." Zoro heard the Toyasaku kid growl, but other than that the kid made no move at him, still trying to dislodge his sword. Zoro considered letting him squirm, just so his students could get a lesson on what happened when stupid people tried using swords.

Finally, Zoro got fed up with waiting and walked over. He pushed the kid out of the way and yanked the blade upward, the sword coming out in one smooth motion. More whispers from the students.

Trevor was now thoroughly humiliated. Sullenly, he took his sword back from Zoro's outstretched hand and put it back in his scabbard. Part of him wanted to scream in denial and conclude that somehow the other man had cheated. Luckily, the almost non-existent, more logical part understood that saying anything right now would only destroy what little pride he had left.

"You have your sword. Now get out and run back to daddy. I don't want you in here again." The daddy comment stung more than losing. Zoro knew he probably shouldn't have said that, especially now that the boy looked ready to charge at him again.

"You just wait! My dad will take over this pathetic excuse of a dojo and put you out of business, you shit head!"

Silence echoed in the room. Zoro twitched. Joni told some of the younger kids to close their eyes; things were gonna get ugly.

Trevor might have been stupid, but something in his gut told him he just went too far. That something just happened to be the wooden sword Zoro had hurled at him, sending the boy flying backward with the force. He skidded across the polished floor and into a wall with a crash. Yep, he was gonna have a few bruises by the time this was over.

Normally Zoro would stop right there and wait for his temper to cool, but he still hadn't had that elusive third cup of coffee. And the stab at his hair reminded him about how much Sanji pissed him off, which reminded him about this morning, which reminded him about his spilt coffee and stained pants, which reminded him how much his life sucked ass. Zoro wanted something to die so he could feel better.

He pulled out his sword and got ready to charge.

"Zoro-aniki! You can't kill him!" Joni shouted, keeping his distance. "Sanji-aniki won't be very happy!"

"Sanji can go fuck himself!" Zoro roared.

The students cheered.

Trevor screamed like a girl and prayed for a merciful death.

"Wow! This place is so cool!"

Time froze and openly gaped at the boy who chose that moment to announce his presence. Zoro was so shocked that his temper plummeted back to Earth and the man halted his advance, staring at the newcomer.

Not understanding what he just interrupted, the grinning boy looked around and beamed. "Wow! Look at all the swords!" Holding the straw hat firmly on his head, the kid whipped around the room like a tornado, touching this and examining that with enthusiasm. No one said a word, waiting for Zoro to make the first move, but the swordsman had been struck dumb.

"I've never touched a real sword," the kid said to no one in particular. He bent down and grabbed a wooden blade. "This one's made of wood. I didn't know there were wood swords. Hey, I wonder if there's paper swords, too! That would be cool!" He did a practice swing and sent the weapon flying through the air at the group of students, who yelled and ran out of the way. "Oops. Sorry!" The boy still grinned at them, not sounding all that sorry. And then he spotted Zoro's blade and was on the move.

"Hey, you have a steel sword? Are you in a fight?" The boy stopped directly in front of Zoro, his large brown eyes practically smiling along with the rest of his face. "Can I watch you fight?" Zoro said nothing, his voice refusing to work. The boy's smile disappeared, replaced by a quizzical look. "What's wrong with you? You're acting really strange." He looked down at the man's pants and frowned. "Um, I think you had an accident. You really need to change those pants."

"Hey kid!" Joni yelled out from the newly formed crowd of pupils. "Show some respect! He's the assistant master at this dojo!"

The black haired teen's eyes widened comically. "Really?" He stared at Zoro. "You don't look like an assistant master. Way too young," he said bluntly.

The students grinned to themselves. Two stupid people in one day… That was a record. The last time someone had commented on Zoro's age their teacher had sent the guy home with a wooden sword stuck up his ass.

Zoro mistook the comment as insulting and dived back into the realm of anger. "If you have a problem with th--"

"That must mean you're really good," the boy interrupted, nodding to yourself. "You're probably one of the best."

Zoro's anger rolled on its back and died.

"Kid, what's your name?" he croaked.

That thousand-watt smile made another appearance. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy! Are you gonna be my sensei?"

* * *

(1) For anyone who's wondering, Joni calls Zoro "Zoro-aniki" in the manga. Aniki means brother (no, they're not related). I'm not planning on using Japanese words, but I might use titles like -san and -kun and sensei because it sounds better in my head. 

Err… Did I keep everyone in character? I'm not worried about Zoro and Sanji, but Luffy and Usopp… Simple characters make it so hard for me. (glomps Luffy) I love them anyway! Shout outs!

_**Alibis Dragon**_- Hehehe. You seem to be popping up everywhere! And as for the coffee, same here. I can't stand the stuff, but I can see Zoro drinking it. Yes, there's something right about the Sanji/Usopp pairing. (glomps them) I had to write this! And you should definitely write a Sanji/Usopp story! I would love you forever! We need more authors willing to write the pairing! I'm willing to beg… XD Thanks for the review!

_**Asaka**_- (giggles with you) I absolutely love my first chapter. It gets my undying love. And I'm bringing you over to the dark side even if I have to drag you by your hair! (cackles wildly) Nah, I'm messing with ya, but hopefully you'll learn to like it. All I ask is that you keep Sanji from murdering me while I write this fic… (shifty eyes) I don't think he's forgiven me yet…

_**Anime-Dudette**_- I should applaud you, because if it weren't for your fics I wouldn't be writing this. I love your stories so much! The story Jealous was so sweet! (glomps you) I hope you keep reviewing my story and it meets your standards!

_**Spooky-Chan**_- (glomps you) Here's that San/Uso story I kept talking about. Hope you like it! And you better update your story 'cause I can't wait to see what happens next! (bounces in her seat) Thanks for that review!

_**nanji**_- Yes, I have to torture them. It's way too much fun for me! XD Thanks for the review, dear!


	3. Revenge: Why not to Piss Off Sanji

Bandit- Bah. I liked the beginning of this chapter, and then… I don't know. (growls)

Sanji- (lights a cigarette) I don't know why you're surprised. All your writing sucks.

Bandit- Watch it! Keep talking and I'll make you kiss Zoro!

Zoro- That's just wrong!

Bandit- (snickers) What? I like a little Zoro/Sanji in my diet too….

Disclaimer- Errr…. (checks bank account) I think a "NO" would be the safe answer.

(A/N)- Hehehe… Sanji gets his revenge, Luffy and Zoro go to the Baratie, and Luffy does something really stupid… Oh the horror…

* * *

If there was one thing Zoro learned that day, it's that Monkey D. Luffy shouldn't be allowed to hold a butter knife, let alone a sword. 

By now most of the other pupils gave the newcomer a wide berth, always keeping their eyes out for flying wooden swords. Even Joni, who generally made friends with everyone, kept his distance and let Zoro handle the boy alone.

"No Luffy," Zoro said, his patience starting to strain. "You hold the sword like _this_. _And _you keep you hands on the handle. Don't let go."

"Okay, Zoro-sensei!" Luffy replied cheerfully. His face soon became one of concentration, and Luffy tightened his grip, going through the motions like Zoro taught him.

Bring it above your head. Check.

Wait a second. Check.

Bring it swishing down at the speed of sound and let it fly so it made that cool whistling noise!… Wait…

"I SAID _DON'T _LET GO!" Immediately everyone yelled and ducked for cover, but soon after a sharp cry came from the farthest corner of the room. Zoro sighed. "Joni, go see who got hit."

"Sure thing Zoro-aniki!" Joni yelled, shooting Zoro a look of sympathy.

This was getting out of hand. Already the assistant master had sent three people home because his new student liked how a sword sounded when it flew through the air. Luffy was by _far _the worst pupil he'd ever had, and a wonderful addition to Zoro's shitty day.

He wanted to get angry _so _bad. It was right there on the corner of his mind, begging to be unleashed. Trevor had vanished during Luffy's appearance, so Zoro never got to relieve his morning stress. Every fiber of himself shouted that Luffy should pay for letting his prey get away, and pay dearly.

"Sorry Zoro-sensei." Luffy grinned sheepishly and placed a hand behind his hat, chuckling lightly. "I just really like that whistling noise. I won't throw it next time." The look on the boy's face said the exact opposite.

The anger in Zoro hissed at the cuteness the boy emitted and ran for cover. Despite everything that had happened, Luffy was also the most enthusiastic student Zoro ever had, and that counted for something. He always seemed eager to try again, and he never got frustrated once, even though they'd been going at it for nearly four hours straight.

"Don't worry about it, Luffy," Zoro sighed. No, he couldn't get angry at the boy. It wasn't his fault he was having a cruddy day… well, he wasn't the only reason. "Just try harder next time, okay?"

"Yep!" Luffy ran to get another sword, and Zoro prayed to any god he knew for patience and help. He just wanted this day to end so he could go home and sleep. How he wanted a nap…

"Hey, Zoro-aniki!" Joni cautiously came up to stand next to him. "How's it going with the new kid?"

"He's eager… and surprisingly he's got a lot of power for such a skinny kid," Zoro mused. The boy's arms were sticks compared to his own, yet even he wondered how hard Luffy could punch. "That's why the people who get hit by his flying swords end up bleeding. He just can't seem to keep a sword in his hand for long. It's a miracle I haven't been hit yet."

"I went ahead and sent Sarah home," Joni explained. "She got clocked pretty badly. That straw hat kid's a menace, Aniki."

"Yeah, but I can't get rid of him for being motivated. He's got to do something wrong firs--… Luffy! Don't touch those!" The boy had long forgotten his mission, and was now reaching for one of the ancient swords resting at the front of the room. At the sound of his name he froze and looked back at his teacher.

"Why can't I use these swords?"

"Luffy, if you can't use a wooden sword properly, what gave you the idea that you could use a real one!" Zoro ranted.

The boy, who still had his arm outstretched, thought hard about it, then replied, "I don't know, but it looked cool when you used one."

It took willpower not to scream, but Zoro managed. "Luffy, get down here and get a wooden sword. Now."

Luffy wasn't quite ready to give in yet. "But what's the point in having swords if you just hang them up without using them? That's stupid," he replied, still not getting it.

To his surprise, part of Zoro actually agreed with the boy, but he refused to let it show. "Luffy, just please get a wooden sword!" Finally the dark haired teen did as told, still grinning to himself and not realizing the headache he was causing Zoro.

"…Does that count as doing something wrong?"

"Joni, shut up and go help the others." Sensing Zoro's rising temper, Joni scurried away for saver grounds.

'_Maybe I shouldn't have snapped at Joni…'_ Right now, Zoro needed all the help he could get. He wasn't sure how long he'd last.

"Alright! I got one!" Luffy zoomed next to Zoro, waiting for his next lesson. "What now?"

"Uhhhh…" Zoro racked his brain for any techniques that wouldn't cause more injuries to his diminishing number of students. "How about we work on your mental strength." Zoro pried the sword from Luffy's fingers. "Being a swordsman doesn't mean you just swing a sword around. It takes mental preparation as well," he lectured. "You want to see the sword as an extension of your arm, so your movements will be more in tune… Luffy?"

Luffy turned his head back to face Zoro. "Na, did you say something?"

"… Luffy, you need to pay attention if you really want to become a swordsman." _'And I really hope you don't, because you'll end up killing yourself and everyone around you by accident.' _

A deep gurgling noise was Zoro's answer, emitting for the boy in waves of sound. "Wow. Guess I'm really hungry!" Luffy rubbed his stomach fondly and laughed.

'_No kidding,'_ the swordsman thought wryly, eyeing Luffy's stomach with wariness as if it would attack him. "Maybe you should take a break and get something to eat…"

Zoro jumped six feet in the air when Luffy howled in joy. "FFFFOOOOODDDD!"

"What the fuck!" he shouted, backing away slowly. "Yes, food!"

The dark haired boy then proceeded to do a strange dance around the room. Zoro thought he'd lost it. "Yosh! I haven't eaten since breakfast! I'm so hungry!"

Deeming it safe to approach the kid again, Zoro cautiously walked back over. "Yeah, there's a really nice restaurant around here called the Baratie. You can eat there."

"What are we waiting for?" Luffy did one last jig before grabbing Zoro by his wrist and yanking the man toward the entrance. "Let's go!"

"W-wait! _I'm _not going!" Luffy didn't seem to be listening anymore, and the boy had a grip of steel. "Luffy! I can't leave my class!"

Luffy stopped pulling and looked at Zoro in confusion. "But it's lunchtime. You have to eat, too," he stated matter-of-factly. As if agreeing, the swordsman's stomach chose that moment to complain about the lack of food.

"Luffy…" Something inside him clenched, forcing Zoro to look away. _'What the hell is happening?' _"I really don't think…" The boy kept staring at him blankly and Zoro shut up.

"It's fine Zoro-aniki!" Joni jogged up next to the pair and grinned. "I'll take over the class while you take the new guy to lunch! You can count on me!"

Zoro wasn't sure if he was glad for Joni's interference or not. "I… I guess it wouldn't be a problem…" Sanji was gonna kick his ass straight out the restaurant, but hey, no problems.

Zoro's consent was all the straw hat teen needed. "Come on, Zoro-sensei!"

With nothing left to do, Zoro allowed himself to be pulled out of his dojo and out into the busy city. _'Why am I doing this? I barely know this kid!'_ Still, it felt refreshing to step out from work, and the promise of food did a little to cheer him up.

Luffy suddenly stopped pulling, looking over his shoulder at his companion. "Ummm… which way am I going?" Zoro had been wondering when the kid would realize that.

"Come on. We'll take my car." The green haired man led the boy back to his car down the street. "We can't stay long at the restaurant, Luffy. There's someone there who doesn't like me very much."

"Oh?" Luffy glanced at Zoro, then smiled. "Don't worry. You're really strong, so you should be able to beat him. If you can't…" The boy's smile widened, showing gums, "_I'll _kick his ass!"

Something about that sentence struck Zoro as hilarious, and he struggled to keep his face straight. "Really? _You_?"

"Yep! I'm really strong!" Luffy proudly showed off his skinny arms. "I can beat you in a fist fight!"

Now Zoro did laugh. "I seriously doubt that."

Luffy's brown eyes started to take on a glint. "Why don't we fight when we get back to the dojo? I'll show you I'm strong."

"I never said you weren't, but come on…" Zoro showed off his own arm without flexing, and it was easily twice the size of Luffy's. "I think there's a huge difference in strength."

By now the straw hat kid was pouting to himself, trying to glare at Zoro and failing. "I could _too _beat you," he muttered.

Zoro chuckled lightly to himself. "If you want me to beat you that bad, fine. I accept your challenge." Immediately Luffy brightened and grinned up at his teacher.

"Thanks Zoro-sensei! And I won't lose!"

The older teen frowned. "You can just call me Zoro out of class. I'm not really your teacher out here." If possible, Luffy's grin got wider.

"Alright… Zoro."

* * *

"Ladies!" 

The girls giggled at Sanji's generous greeting, smiling teasingly in his direction. "All of you look exceptionally radiant today, like the sun on a winter's morning! My orbs of sunshine!" Hearts exploded everywhere and the girls cooed at him.

Usopp snorted to himself while he washed an empty table. Sanji never failed to amuse him. _'He's used that line at least four times…'_ Well, better the blonde be busy with women then try and take his revenge for the rumor. In truth, Usopp was surprised Sanji had forgotten already. The man could hold a grudge when he wanted to.

More giggling came from the entrance and Usopp rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. How could Sanji live with that noise surrounding him!

"Someone come and kill them," he muttered under his breath, washing the table harder. He really wished it were Wednesday; at least then he could talk to Kaya about his 'problem'. It was starting to eat at him again. "Kaya, I could really use your advice right now…" he sighed, glancing up toward the entrance.

Sanji was no longer there.

Usopp froze in place and his hand stopped. _'Shit.' _

It wasn't that he was worried Sanji would get back at him when he wasn't looking. Oh no, that wasn't the problem at all. He already _knew _Sanji would have his pound of flesh before the day was over. The problem was how much flesh would be required to satisfy him. Challenging Sanji's sexual preference was a dangerous game, even if done on accident.

"Hey Usopp!" The blonde girl who had spilled the news about the rumor earlier pointed to a distant table. "You need to get the order from table five on the double!" She gave him a meaningful look then turned around.

"Sure Becci!" Usopp called, then shot her the evil eye when the girl's back was turned. _'It's her fault Sanji's after my ass!'_ (1)

He couldn't help but shudder. All he wanted to do was run under the nearest table again, but duty called. _'The Great Usopp is no coward!' _he shouted in his mind, striding resolutely up to the table. He just needed to be confident and everything would be fine. It wasn't like it was _that _big of a deal. And even if Sanji hadn't forgiven him yet, how could he expect to deal with his 'problem' if he couldn't face his best friend's wrath? _'I'm one of the bravest people in this city!_" he declared brazenly, feeling surer of himself (he hadn't seen Sanji, so that was a good sign)._ 'I fear nothing! I'll show Sanji who he's messing with!' _His mind cried out in pride, forcing his shoulders back, his head to be held high, nose sticking straight in the air… In his fantasy people were cheering wildly, clapping for him and praising his bravery and wisdom. He was the Great Usopp, warrior of courage and bravery! Nothing could stop him!

"Can I take your order?" he announced, his chest puffed out. His customers looked at him strangely. They'd never met anyone so… proud of their job.

"Umm… can we start off with three glasses of Sanjina red wine?" the one man asked.

"Of course, sir!" Usopp was still riding on the high of his mental pep talk. "Exactly what year would you like?"

"I suggest you try the 1985 bottle. It's one of the sweetest we have," Sanji proposed from behind Usopp.

Usopp's courage shrieked in terror and fled, leaving its owner to fend for himself. "Sa- Sa- Sa-"

Sanji's one visible eye gleamed evilly. "Hello Usopp. I'm supposed to bring you to the kitchens. Apparently, there's something you need to work out with one of the chefs." Usopp started choking on his tongue.

"Err.. Is he alright?" one of the customers asked worriedly.

"Don't worry about him. And there's another waitress who will serve you momentarily." Sanji waved Becci over. "This lovely lady should be able to get you your drinks."

"Hi! I'm Becci, and I'll be your server!" The blonde announced, shooting Usopp a look of deepest sympathy. _'I didn't know he'd get you while you were serving!' _her eyes cried out.

Usopp felt a tug on his arm as he was pulled away to his doom, mentally forgiving Becci. She had tried her best…

Sanji smirked. Oh, he was gonna have fun now. _'I'll teach you to start rumors…' _"Now Usopp, I don't want there to be any hard feelings after I'm done with you…" The younger teen whimpered pathetically and tried wriggling away. Sanji let go of his arm and grabbed Usopp's nose. 

"Ow! Sanji, that hurts!" Tears started to sting the boy's eyes. "I'm sorry, okay!"

"I don't really think you're sorry yet…" Sanji mused to himself and dragged the wailing boy into the kitchen.

"Sanji! Please let go!"

All the chefs in the kitchen watched the scene, shaking their heads. No one dared to interfere. The long-nosed boy was on his own now.

When Sanji finally stopped near the freezer in the back, he turned and grinned at Usopp. "Now Usopp," he started, tightening his grip, "What have you learned today?"

Usopp whined in pain and grumbled something. Sanji shook his fist with the nose in it. "AH! I'M SORRY, YOU BASTARD!"

"Wrong answer." Usopp felt his nose being released and had barely enough time to duck from Sanji's kick.

"AHHHHH! SANJI STOP!"

"I'm only saying this once, so listen carefully Usopp." Sanji reached into his pocket and stuck a cigarette in his mouth, not bothering to light it yet. "I have never slept with Zoro, and I'd rather quit smoking and give up girls than look at his shitty body."

"I GET IT! I WON'T SPREAD ANYMORE RUMORS!" Usopp scrambled off the floor and tried to make a run for it, but Sanji's foot connected squarely with his ass and he went flying. "OWWWWW!" He crashed into a pile of dirty dishes, plates and silverware shooting out in all directions as the pile imploded around him.

"Now, what have you learned today, Usopp?" Sanji called cheerfully. He walked over to the pile and leaned down on one knee, watching the prone teen. "Huh?"

"Don't… get… caught…" Usopp moaned in pain and flinched at Sanji's frown. "No more rumors with you in them!"

"Very good." Sanji felt himself relax. He graciously pulled the boy up to his feet, acting as a crutch for Usopp to lean on. "You need to go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. You look like shit."

"I hate you so much right now," Usopp muttered into Sanji's jacket, grasping at it before his knees gave in. Damn, no one wanted to be on Sanji's enemy list, with good reason. "You took this entire thing way too seriously."

Sanji chuckled and led Usopp toward the bathrooms. "Suck it up, you wimp. Just a little bout between friends."

"Wow. I think that's the first time you've admitted I was your friend. Are you sure you didn't kick yourself on accident?" Now it was Usopp's turn to laugh, though it slid into a whimper from the pain. "Shit, Sanji! It was a rumor! And I probably didn't even mean it _that _way!"

"What other way could you have meant it, liar?" Sanji tsked and gave Usopp a quick look over, just in case he had overdone it. "It's not like you're gonna die." By now they'd reached the bathrooms, and the smoker let his friend lean against the walls. "Just wash up and you'll be fine."

"Did I mention how much I hate you?" Usopp muttered. The man might be suave with the ladies, but he was a real dickhead when it came to men. "You just kicked me into a pile of dishes! Zeff's gonna take it out of my paycheck!"

Sanji only shrugged. "I bet next time you'll think before you lie, huh?" Usopp glared at him.

The bathroom door swung open, followed by one of the newer chefs talking with a waiter. "--en so much food! I already served him ten plates and he's still going at it! He ordered everything off the menu!"

"I don't know if he can pay for all of it… Did you see his clothes?" The waiter sniffed and shook his head. "I bet you he'll be washing dishes after he's finished."

"Eh, true. But maybe that green haired guy can cover the bill… Then again, that is quite a bill they're racking up." The two ran into open stalls, never noticing the haunted expression on Sanji's face.

Usopp, however, did notice and gulped. "Green hair?" Usopp whispered, not wanting to believe it. "He'd never set foot in here." He'd hoped to put Sanji at ease with his assurance. Sadly, he barely got his sentence before the seething chef was out the door, murmuring "That shitty bastard" on his way.

Usopp stared at the swinging bathroom door, very disturbed by the new information. "If he is here, I hope he brought his swords. Sanji's in a really bad mood today." His cuts and scrapes agreed with him.

* * *

Zoro looked around warily, waiting for a flash of blonde and the smell of cigarettes to attack him. He loathed being in this particular restaurant; it was an unspoken agreement between the two men that they would only tolerate each other's presence at their apartment. Other than that, all bets were off. 

"Mmmm…. I smell meat!" Luffy grinned at Zoro. "I can't wait to eat."

"Uh, yeah. Sure..."

Luffy started to set off for a table, but an arm held him back. "Luffy, they have to seat us first."

"Oh." Luffy blinked and squirmed. "When will they get here?"

Zoro shrugged. "I don't know… Now remember, we can't stay long. I have to get back to my cl--"

"Excuse me? Would you like a table for two?" A young man in a waiter's outfit came up to the customers and bowed. "Smoking or Non?"

Before Luffy tried to speak, Zoro cut in. "Yes, and make it Non." Like hell he'd go into the Smoking section. Sanji would no doubt be prowling around there.

"I'd like a pound of pork, and some prime rib and--"

"Luffy! He's only showing us to our seats!" Zoro yelled as they followed the waiter. He wanted to smack the kid in the head. "Have you ever been inside a restaurant?"

"Yeah. I go into them all the time."

"And they serve you at the door?"

The straw hat kid thought for a moment before nodding. "Yep. All the ones I go to do." He glanced around the Baratie, frowning. "I wonder why they don't do it here?"

Zoro just shook his head, not quite believing the teen. _'I've never heard of a restaurant doing that, unless it's for people with money coming out of their ass…' _And Luffy certainly didn't look the part. He had on worn blue jeans and a dirty, red vest plus sandals; a far cry from expensive.

"Here you are, sirs." The man bowed again. "What would you like to drink?"

"Water for him," the swordsman said quickly. "A cup of _Bean Me!_ coffee for me." (2) He looked at Luffy out of the corner of his eye to see if the kid minded, but he was already digging into the menu, grinning at the selection of meat he found.

"I'll be back in a second. Your server will be here shortly." He bowed one last time then walked away.

"They have a lot of food here," Luffy commented after a while. He stared at dish after dish, not sure what he'd pick. "I don't think I can choose…" A bright idea formed in his head. "I'll just order it all!" He looked up at Zoro for permission. It wasn't like he was buying.

Zoro nodded vaguely, still looking out for Sanji. "Whatever." It's safe to say he hadn't really heard what Luffy said.

When he finally deemed it somewhat safe to relax, Zoro faced his companion, unsure of what to say. Once again, he asked himself why he was doing this. _'I hardly know anything about him…' _Oh well. That was as good a place as any to start.

"So, Luffy," he began kind of awkwardly, "How old are you?"

"Sixt-- No wait. I'm seventeen now."

Zoro almost choked on his breath, if that were possible. "Seven_teen_?" He looked more like fourteen! "You're really that old?"

"Uh huh." Luffy nodded and just because it sounded right, asked Zoro his age.

"I'm eighteen," the swordsman answered, still surprised about Luffy. _'He sure doesn't look it… or act like it.' _"So, you live with your parents?"

"No, they're dead."

"Oh." The awkwardness got ten times thicker. "I'm… sorry," he said, not sure what else to say.

"That's okay." Luffy didn't seem to notice the odd tension in the air. "I live with my brother, so he takes care of me."

"Well that's good," Zoro answered, glad that the boy could shake off such a depressing question so easily. He was just about to ask something else when a different waiter appeared with their drinks and a pad of paper.

"Welcome sirs. Here's your water and coffee." He placed the cups in front of them. "What would you like to eat?"

Luffy got the first say this time. "I'll have everything!"

Zoro stared at the boy, shell shocked. _'He has to be lying!' _There was no way a skinny kid like that could eat everything the Baratie offered.

The waiter was having similar thoughts to Zoro, his eyes wide and mouth reaching the floor. "E-E-Everything?"

"Yep!" Luffy grinned happily. "I want everything you've got."

Still in shock, the man turned to Zoro. "A-and what will you be having?" He cringed, almost expecting Zoro to ask for the same thing.

"I'll have a prime rib meal. Make sure it's well done. Fries, not mashed potatoes. Caesar salad with ranch," Zoro monotoned, watching the man write his order down. "And now that I think about it, get me more coffee. In fact, just leave a pitcher here." He ordered small on purpose. In Zoro's mind, there was no way Luffy could eat even a tenth of the meal he was ordering. He'd help the kid along, but he was sure they'd have to break out the doggy bags. _'One of everything…' _Well, at least he wasn't paying Luffy's part of the bill.

"I'll have your meal out as soon as possible," the waiter stuttered, turning on his heel and taking off. Zoro couldn't blame him.

"I hope they hurry up." Luffy pouted slightly, gazing longingly at the kitchen entrance. "I'm so hungry right now…"

Zoro sighed to himself and got ready for the long wait. _'I always get the weird students…'_ he thought, then promptly downed his cup. Thank God for coffee...

* * *

(1) (snickers) You can take that sentence two ways… (giggles) Usopp should be thanking Becci… 

(2) Remember _Bean Me!_ Coffee… You'll be hearing a lot about it in this story. (cackles) Oh, and if anyone can guess where I got the name, I'll dedicate a chapter in your honor! ;p

XD I was gonna make this chapter longer, but I decided I'll let you all stew and wonder just what's gonna happen when Sanji finds Zoro and Luffy. I'll tell you this much: Luffy and Sanji get off to a rough start… :p Shout outs!

**_Asaka_**- (snickers) Yeah, and I laughed when I wrote you checking Sanji out! As for the hair… Damn it. I had a huge debate in my head whether you were blonde or brunette, so I actually made you dirty blonde… XD Hehehehe… Maybe I'll have you dye your hair later on… And thank you for the restraining order. (looks at pissed Sanji) Yep, it's gonna take him a while to come around.

**_Spooky-chan_**- GAH! (can't breathe) AH! SPOOKY, CAN'T BREATHE! (turns purple) I hope you like the Sanji/Usopp and Zoro/Luffy moments! I loved writing them… And when are you gonna update? Or maybe you have… it's been a long time since I've been on LJ… Damn school. (remembers she's choking and passes out)

**_Anime-Dudette_**- (squeals) You dedicated a chapter to me! I'm so happy and honored! (dances with Luffy) And you're no failure! I love your Sanji/Usopp stories. I realize a lot of people don't really like the pairing, but I'm addicted to it! XD So if you keep writing, I will! (hugs you)

**_AlibisDragon_**- (glomps you) Me likey Sanji/Usopp stories… especially if they're from you. Must warn you though: Many people might not review your story if that's the main pairing. (cries) I'm not trying to deter you or anything, and you probably already realize this, but just in case you didn't know. I hope that doesn't stop you though! It certainly isn't stopping me! So write, and make me proud! XD Oh, and update your Zo/Lu story! I must know if Zoro saved Luffy… even though I have a feeling he did… :p

Review people! They feed my poor, weak ego. :p


	4. Battle at the Baratie

Bandit- (grins) I'm happy! I have new reviewers! (dances) My story's not a complete failure!

Zoro- (scowls) So that basically means I'll be stuck with you for a while, doesn't it?

Sanji- Oh joy. (glares at reviewers) Thanks a lot, you traitors.

Disclaimer- I'm not creative enough to come up with the entire OP plot. I'm just sneaky enough to use it to my advantage…

(A/N)- Sanji and Luffy get off on the wrong foot, but that's quickly solved (you'll see what I mean). There be fightin' ahead! Watch out for flying feet and bad tempers!

* * *

The first thing he did when he broke out into the sunlight was smirk. It was noon and his assistants had lost him. How sad was that? 

'_Geeze. They're losing their touch already. I might need to get new assistants…'_ It was much more interesting when they actually came close to finding his nap spot. Oh well. Like he really gave a fucking crap about it.

People walked by him in a hurry, barely sparing him a glance as if he weren't important. That was just the way he liked it, of course. Still, it'd be funny to see their reactions if they knew he was a good reason they were even alive at this time of day. Funny indeed.

He'd barely gotten across the street when a series of shouts and yells were heard, momentarily disrupting the busy crowd. The dark haired man just rolled his eyes, adjusted his hat and kept walking. Those people really needed to chill. It wasn't as if he'd be gone all afternoon…

* * *

Zoro had seen quite a bit in his short life, but this almost topped them all. In a mixture of horror, amusement, disgust, and pure fascination, the swordsman watched Luffy scarf down each and every morsel put on the table, including his own meal. He'd been too worried he'd lose his hand, no… his fuckin' arm, to chance grabbing for it. Already Luffy was done with half of his food… 

And still going strong.

"How can you eat all that?" he asked, his eyes unable to look away as the meal disappeared into the void known as Monkey D. Luffy.

"It's good!" Well, that's what Zoro thought the kid said. Pieces of food and spit were his real answer, and Zoro leaned back to avoid the spray. "You should try some!" Luffy mumbled through his meat.

'_And have you eat my arm? Forget it.'_ Food wasn't worth that type of pain.

At Zoro's refusing nod, Luffy shrugged and dug into the ribs. Oh well, more for him.

Other customers stared at their table, some too sick from the spectacle to continue eating and others placing bets to see if Luffy could indeed finish his meal. Zoro could already tell some people had lost quite a bit of money from the incredulous looks and downcast expressions. As for him… well, the fact Luffy had eaten this much so far proved appearances weren't everything.

Luffy let out a particularly loud belch and Zoro winced. God, that was just nasty…

"U-Uhh… Sirs." Zoro glanced up, surprised there was a waiter brave enough to get this close to the table. "I-is there anything else you'd like? Maybe something to drink?"

"Coffee," the swordsman ordered, then glanced at Luffy. "I don't think he'll need anything…"

Before the man could retreat, Luffy turned in his direction and started mumbling something, spittle flying out and attacking the waiter. "W-what?" he stuttered, wanting to back away.

"Err… Just ignore him," the swordsman said quickly. The waiter took his word for it and ran like hell.

Luffy's brows knitted in a pout, and he began to spit at Zoro again. Zoro held up a hand before the kid could get a word in. "Luffy, I'm begging you to swallow." The boy blinked in confusion, and then his face cleared in understanding. He gulped loudly, the mound of chewed food in his mouth traveling down his throat until it hit his stomach. Zoro could almost hear the splash.

"I was gonna order more! I don't think this food's gonna be enough…" Luffy stated.

"Luffy… You still have half your order to go through… Shouldn't you wait?" In response the straw hat kid grinned and shook his head.

"Why? If I order now, the food will come sooner. That's the way it works, right?"

Zoro wasn't sure what to say. "Well… yes…" he said slowly.

"Then I'm ordering more when the waiter comes back," Luffy concluded, his mind made up.

All Zoro could do was shake his head and sigh. _'Not my problem,' _he decided. All he was supposed to do was make sure the kid got back to the dojo in one piece, not pay for his meal.

A sharp tap on his shoulder sent Zoro into alert mode, his skin prickling from shock. _'DAMN! That fuckin' cook snuck up on me!' _Fast as lightning he punched out so Sanji wouldn't get the first strike in… and hit an abnormally long nose…

"SHIT!"

The cry was loud enough to avert Luffy's attention, if only for a moment. Zoro felt himself grin sheepishly as Usopp crumbled to the floor in pain. "Sorry about that Usopp…"

In a flash the long-nosed man was back on his feet, tears shining in his eyes and nose slightly bent, but otherwise alright. "It's fine! The Great Usopp feels no pain!" He laughed brazenly, almost swaying from the throbbing ache. Damn, that had hurt!

Zoro narrowed his eyes. "If it hurts, there's not need to hide it." He eyed Usopp's appearance, but decided not to ask why there were pieces of dishes sticking out of his body. He didn't want to know. "Do you know where that shitty cook is?"

Usopp dropped his act quickly. "That's what I came to tell you! He's pissed, and all I can say is I hope you brought your swords." By the way Zoro's face was draining of color, Usopp correctly guessed that the green haired man hadn't thought of that. "Well, then I'd get out of here now!"

The older man nodded. "Thanks. I owe you." He stood up and turned to Luffy. "Kid, you're gonna have to have them deliver your meal or something. We have to leave. _Now_." He didn't need a fight with Sanji right now. Not that the cook could beat him. _HELL _no. It just wouldn't be very convenient… He had a class to get back to, after all.

Normally, Luffy would've listened, but food was involved in the decision. No contest as to what took priority. "I'm still eating. I'll find my way back later." With that, he grabbed a drumstick and stuffed it into his mouth.

Zoro felt his eyebrow twitch. "Luffy I'm serious. You don't know the way back, and I'm not having your older brother suing my ass."

"Uh… Zoro…" Usopp started.

"I can't leave! They're about to bring more of my order!"

"Zoro…"

"Damnit Luffy! Get you ass up and let's go!"

Usopp sighed and backed away from the arguing men, knees shaking. _'I tried…' _

"Yo. Usopp." The teen turned around to see Becci balancing plates on her arms. The woman was barely holding the mammoth sized plates up. "Mind helping me with these?"

"Becci, drop them and run."

"Huh?" She shot him an odd look until she glanced behind his shoulder. Dishes crashed to the floor and the food spilt everywhere, but both Becci and Usopp were long gone in search of a good hiding spot and front row seats.

"Luffy, would you stop arguing! I'll knock you unconscious if I have to!" Zoro yelled, failing to notice Usopp's retreat. "Damn it, we're leaving now!"

The threats fell on deaf ears as Luffy stared over Zoro's shoulder with a curious look. Hm, who was that blonde man with a ugly scowl on his face? Luffy knew that look; someone was gonna get their ass kicked. "Hey Zoro?"

"What Luffy?" Zoro snapped.

"Um… I think you pissed off that blonde guy."

Zoro's face went blank with confusion, and by the time he figured it out his back felt like it had cracked in ten different places. His body went flying onto the table and crashing into some of Luffy's food to both the boy's surprise and confusion. The force of the attack caused the entire table to moan in protest before a loud snap was heard, and the table fell to the ground in a heap, taking Zoro with it.

"Zoro, why did you let yourself get hit?" Luffy cried out, a bit disappointed. He hadn't thought his sensei would be so weak. How sad…

Sanji glared heatedly at the body covered in food, his anger not yet sated. "I'm gonna make sure you can't walk for a week, shithead." He practically inhaled his cigarette with his nerves on overdrive. "I never thought you'd be stupid enough to come in here."

"Shitty cook!" Zoro jumped out of the mess while his back screamed in protest. "You snuck up on me! And I was just leaving, you piece of shit!"

Sanji smirked nastily and readied for another kick. "Oh really? Then let me escort you out via my foot!"

Zoro, swordless and pissed as hell, brought his fists up in defense. Just because he didn't have his weapons didn't mean he'd retreat. Roronoa Zoro did _not _retreat. He might get his ass kicked a bit, but damn it, he'd make Sanji bleed like a stuffed pig. "Bring it, you pansy!" He picked up a piece of the broken table and hurled it at Sanji. While the blonde was distracted, he moved away, looking for anything he could use to his advantage.

Luffy watched all this in excitement, happy he'd get a show with his dinner. Zoro was gonna kick the blonde guy's ass! He could barely stay in his seat. Now he'd know just how good Zoro really was! Still bouncing happily, he reached out for a piece of his meal, the anticipation bring his hunger back tenfold. Sadly, the events that had occurred moments before failed to register in his brain, leaving a nasty surprise in store for the straw hat kid.

His hand met air.

In confusion, Luffy looked down, only to see his beloved meat strewn on the floor like insignificant dirt. "WAHH! MY MEAT!" he cried out, not understanding how something this horrid could be possible. "WHO DID THIS TO MY MEAT?"

Zoro and Sanji were both locking eyes with each other and ignoring the outburst. That was a huge mistake on their part. They were about to find out that when Luffy's upset, you either fix the problem or face the consequences.

The boy's pupils shrank in rage, not wanting to look at the heartbreaking sight below him. His brain struggled to replay the event that had destroyed his precise meat. First, he'd been walking down the street and he saw the dojo, so he decided to join… Next, he met Zo-- _'Wait… I think I can skip that part,' _he told himself, the almost non-existent smart part of his brain deciding to help out for once. _'Fast forward, dummy!' _it said.

Okay, they had arrived at the restaurant. Zoro and he had talked about something with ages and food, then the order arrived…. Mmmm. There had been ribs drowned in BBQ and tender steaks and beef and homemade chicken and-- N-no! _'Focus, you ignoramus! Anger, now! Meat, later!' _

Then Zoro had said some more stuff with leaving and then this long nosed kid came and ran. Then the blonde came and kicked Zoro in the back, sending him sailing into his food! Luffy gasped. So it was Zoro's fault! He was so gonna kick his ass!

'… _Try again…' _the intelligent part of him sighed.

Luffy's face scrunched up from concentration. Okay… because the blonde made Zoro fly into his food, wasn't that the blonde's fault? But Zoro was supposed to be strong! How could he had not seen that attack coming? Luffy had seen it; that Usopp guy had seen it. The restaurant had seen it! True, Zoro wasn't facing that direction, and blonde _had _snuck up on him… but those were minor details that could be overlooked. So was it Zoro's fault too for being an idiot? Then who was he supposed to beat up?

"Nghhh… My head hurts," Luffy declared. The smart part of him gave up and crawled back into the darkness of Luffy's mind. The boy was on his own.

While Luffy struggled to come to a satisfactory conclusion, Sanji and Zoro were already in the middle of their own mini war. Sanji was a relentless force, almost giddy at being able to attack Zoro without fear of getting nicked. His feet aimed for every tender spot on Zoro's body, whether it be the groin, the mouth, the temple… He was going for blood. Kicking the swordsman's ass would make this day worthwhile.

Zoro was much less enthused. His lust for a good fight drowned out a deal of the negative factors, but it couldn't be ignored that Sanji was a force to be reckoned with, even more so when weaponless. Trying to even the odds, he threw anything he could grab; that included tables, chairs, maybe even people if they weren't quick enough to get out of the way… All the while Sanji kicked whatever was thrown at him and kept on coming. He had gotten maybe one good punch in while Sanji was tearing into his flesh apart with those damn loafers! While he refused to admit defeat, this battle would be hard if he didn't get some kind of weapon in his hand. Butter knives and forks weren't cuttin' it right now.

"Something wrong, Zoro?" Sanji sneered. He was able to move closer to his prey, kicking for the head. "You look a little flushed. Maybe you should take a breather."

Zoro blocked it with his right arm, feeling the forearm immediately bruise. "You're seeing things, cook. Be worried about yourself!" To Sanji's surprise, Zoro didn't punch out with his left arm as predicted. No, that damn Marimo _kicked _him… He had just enough time to move back so the attack didn't get his jewels, but the acute pain in his stomach was no laughing matter. Sanji wheezed from the pain and forced himself to do a minor retreat away from Zoro, at least until he got his breath back.

Zoro wasn't having it. He ran after Sanji like a hound on a trail and lashed out with his fists, hoping for a quick win. In their wake, a mass of destruction was left; tables were overturned, food was laid strewn everywhere, silverware and plates sticking out of the stained, carpeted floor… the list kept going. Zeff would probably have a heart attack if he didn't kill Sanji first.

Those who remained in the Baratie backed away from the fight and cheered on the sidelines for their favorite fighter. Usopp and Becci were among the watchers, their faces poking out of the kitchen door. Becci was cursing each time Sanji got hit, damning Zoro's existence for attacking the hot blonde. "Come on, Sanji! Block, now hit! Yes, there's an o-- NO! Duck, stupid! DUCK!"

Usopp winced at Sanji's bruised body, but didn't cheer at all. Hmph, served the blonde right for kicking him earlier… _'Oh, it's not like Zoro and him are seriously fighting…' _Of course not! They just were letting loose some steam… No need to be worried about that idiot blonde's well-being… Nope. No need. Everything was just fine…

"Sanji!" Usopp screamed, "what the hell are you doing? Stop playing around and beat his ass in!" No, he wasn't worried at all.

The blonde heard his friends' cry and smirked at Zoro while blocking another punch with his right leg. He lashed out in a fierce forward kick to dislodge the man. "Hear that? I can't lose now. I've got a beautiful lady and a liar hoping for my victory."

"Like I give a fuck!" Zoro heaved, almost out of breath. Damn it, he really wished he had brought his swords. How the hell could he forget those? _'Oi, coffee,' _he mutter in his mind. His mornings never went the way he wanted them to without that black liquid… Not that a cup would help him now. _'Shit, this is bad…'_ His back hurt, his arms ached from blocking and hitting, his groin screamed against any high kick he attempted and usually failed to make (how did Sanji stand it?)…He needed a miracle… Fast.

And then suddenly, a savior appeared before him in the form of a teen wearing a straw hat, right smack dab in front of a charging Sanji.

"LUFFY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Sanji halted to a stop. "Huh? Who the hell is this?" The black haired boy just stared at him blankly before making his way over to him. "Kid, I'd get out of the way. I'm kinda busy right now." He waved an arm at Zoro's direction. "That guy needs to be taught a lesson, so I'm playing teacher. Get lost."

Luffy didn't stop walking until he was right in front of Sanji. He wasn't frowning or smiling, just a blank, passive expression plastered on his face. "You made Zoro crash into my meal," he stated, like it was something Sanji should be concerned about. "All my meat's on the floor."

The chef shrugged. "And? It's not like you don't have more food on the way. If it makes you that angry, have Zoro pay for it later… if he's still alive by then."

Luffy kept staring, then announced, "I don't like you."

He aimed and punched Sanji in the mouth.

The entire restaurant went into an uproar. Bets were placed as to how fast the straw hat kid would die, if he'd die slowly, and if Sanji leave enough of the body to be identified later. Becci and Usopp kept their eyes on the exit; if the restaurant came down when the cook lost it, they'd have a clear shot at freedom. Zoro stood there and gawked.

Sanji might have been shocked, but he didn't miss a beat. His foot came swinging out from the left and neatly caught the side of Luffy's face, sending the boy kissing some wall away from the action. His face howled in pain while his mind was numb with rage. Someone had hit him…_him _… in the face… his _face_. "That little shit is gonna die…"

Those words snapped Zoro out of his reverie; Sanji could get away with killing _him_, but there was no way Zoro would be able to explain how Luffy died on _his _watch. He could smell the lawsuits coming. "Sanji, don't touch him! He's my student!"

"I'll get you a new one!" Sanji snapped back, marching to where Luffy lay. "I'll even pay for this one's funeral!"

In the distant corner where Luffy had been thrown, the debris shifted as the teen picked himself up and dusted off his outfit. "Wow, mister. You're really strong." He looked up and grinned at Sanji. "That's cool. At least you're not a wimp like Zoro."

Of all the things Sanji had expected, that wasn't on the list. He stopped short, stuttering in disbelief. Well… this was the first time someone had complimented him during a fight… He wasn't quite sure if he should be angry or amused. _'Who the hell is this kid?'_ He'd never seen Zoro hang out with any of his students… and if he did, Sanji didn't think they'd look so damn innocent. What was going on?

"WHAT? I'M NOT A WIMP!" Zoro screamed, waving his hands in the air. "DID YOU _NOT _SEE ME KICKING SANJI'S ASS?"

Luffy looked over at Zoro and blinked. "No. I didn't know you guys were fighting. Did I interrupt?" Luffy smiled and backed away so Zoro had Sanji in his line of vision. "Okay, you can fight again!"

It was too ridiculous. A gurgle snaked its way up Sanji's throat until he could hold it no longer. The man lowered his head and snorted with laughter.

Luffy had no idea why Sanji was laughing, but he joined in anyway, holding his hat and laughing to the ceiling.

Zoro didn't appreciate the laughing, so he shouted at both of them to shut up, insisting he was far from weak and twice as strong as Sanji. People started crawling out from under their tables and kept a safe distance from the three men in the center of the half-destroyed restaurant, feeling the danger in the air evaporate like water. Safe to say this was the last time many of them would be dining at the Baratie… well, not on Tuesdays anyway.

The laughter finally seeped out of his system, leaving Sanji grinning at the teen in front of him. "What's your name, kid?" he chuckled.

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy!" Luffy grinned back. "And I guess your name's Sanji."

Interesting name… Nothing he'd name _his_ kid, but still intriguing. "Yeah, that's me… So… you think Zoro's a wimp?" Sanji said, speaking loud so said swordsman could hear him. "You are one sharp kid."

"Yeah. He's my sensei, but I thought he was a lot stronger." That disappointed look came back in Luffy's brown eyes as they settled on the seething Zoro. "But not like you. That kick made my face hurt!" Luffy laughed again, finding the whole thing funny. Indeed, a purple bruise was starting to form on the grinning boy's face.

Sanji pulled out another cigarette; he'd dropped the other one when Luffy punched him. "You're not so bad yourself, Luffy. Pretty strong for such skinny arms. You could show the shithead a thing or two." Hell _yeah_ he could teach Zoro how to punch; it was gonna take a good week for this shiner to disappear.

"WOULD YOU TWO STOP TALKING LIKE I'M NOT HERE?"

"Hm? Did you hear something Luffy?" Sanji asked, egging Zoro on.

"Oh, that was Zoro," Luffy explained and pointed to the swordsman. Sanji lifted a curled eyebrow but kept silent. Okay… this one didn't know what sarcasm was.

"Wow! That was one hell of a fight!" Usopp came jogging up from the kitchen door, smiling now that the danger had past and death didn't hang in the air. "I didn't know who to cheer for!"

Zoro came closer, still sulking. "Yeah, that's why I hear you cheer for Sanji." Usopp stuttered out some half-cooked apology, trying to pay no attention to Sanji's teasing glance.

Luffy looked at the long-nosed man. "Hey, who are you?"

"He's the village idiot," Sanji said, getting a punch in the arm for his joke.

"Oh, shut up!" Usopp snapped, and then he turned to Luffy. "I'm the Great Usopp, owner of this restaurant!"

Sanji face faulted. God damn liar…

Luffy's interest perked. "Really? This is a nice restaurant you have here. The meat's great!"

The teen puffed out his chest proudly. It had been a while since he'd come across someone stup-- err… naive enough to believe his tales. "Well, of course! With all the chefs under my command, we strive to serve our customers to the best of ou-- OUCH!" Usopp rubbed his sore noggin. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

Sanji lowered his foot. "You don't command me, jackass," Sanji drawled, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "And you certainly don't own this restaurant. You're a lowly waiter at the bottom of the food chain." The blonde's friend stuck out his lip, his fun effectively ruined.

"Yeah, well _he _didn't know that…" Usopp muttered.

"Um… you guys?" Becci called out as she tentatively stepped over near the men, trying not to trip over a splintered table leg. "Err… I hate to interrupt but…" She cast a glance around her. "After the fight, the boss told everyone to clean the restaurant up. If it's not clean in an hour, we all lose two weeks worth of pay." It was then everyone noticed the extent of the damage around them.

"Wait…" Luffy scratched his head in confusion. "So Usopp _isn't _the owner?" Everyone stared at him in amazement before effectively tuning the boy out. That question didn't even deserve an answer.

Usopp's eyes bulged out. "You have to be shitting me! I _need _that money!" He danced around like he had to pee and took off, picking up random pieces of debris on the way and damning Sanji to hell.

"Oh, don't worry Becci!" Sanji swooned, hearts in place. "I'm sure Zeff wouldn't dock the pay of such a beautiful young lady such as yourself! And if he does, I'll give you mine!"

Becci turned red. "Thanks Sanji," she said shyly. "But… Zeff said that he was already gonna dock all your paycheck."

Sanji's heart eyes popped.

"WHAT?"

Becci backed away like a frightened animal. "He said he'll need it to pay for all the broken tables and dents in the walls from today's fight."

In complete rage, Sanji did the first thing that came to mind. He whirled on Zoro. "YOU!" he snarled. "IF YOU HADN'T COME HERE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED!"

Zoro, still put off from Luffy's earlier accusation, stiffened up and shouted back, "HE'S MY _STUDENT_! I DON'T DATE!"

"OH, MY MISTAKE! I FORGOT I'M TALKING TO MR. ASEXUAL HERE!"

"OH, SHOVE IT YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PIMP! I'LL SHRED YOU TO PIECES!"

By now their faces were inches from each other, neither wanting to back down. "WITH WHAT? YOUR TOENAILS?" Sanji sneered. "I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED! YOU CAN HARDLY GROOM YOURSELF AS IT IS!"

"AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND FUCKING ETERNITY IN THE BATHROOM!"

"AT LEAST I WIPE AFTER I TAKE A SHIT!"

A rumbling explosion interrupted them before Zoro had time to counter, and the two slowly turned their heads to the source.

"Oi." Luffy rubbed his stomach as it gurgled. The tiny fight with Sanji had drained the rest of his energy. He needed food! "When will the rest of my order be here?" he whined to the waitress and the two men. "I'm so hunnnggggrrryyy!"

The blonde woman stared at him in disbelief. _'He's still hungry?' _What a strange boy… "Um… I don't know if there's anyone to get your food. Most everyone's trying to hurry and clean up."

Sanji sighed, the fight draining out of him. "Oh, I'll cook for him." He had nothing better to do. He'd lost this week's pay, so like hell was he cleaning up.

Luffy cheered and danced in circles. "You're so cool, Sanji! You can cook _and _kick ass!" Zoro hissed in distaste, turning away to glare hatefully at the dented walls.

Becci beamed at him. "Wow, that's pretty nice of you, Sanji, considering the fact he punched you in the face." The cook's heart did a summersault, and he practically gushed hearts and compliments at the girl.

"Of course I would, my dear Becci! I'm a gentleman. He just better leave me a decent tip!"

"Oh, I don't have any money," Luffy replied cheerfully. "Sorry."

Everyone's jaw dropped to the floor. "WHAT?" Zoro started to swallow his tongue.

"Zoro's treating me!" Luffy said, smiling at their shocked faces. "He's paying for my meal!"

"LLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

Mwahahaha! I'm done with this chapter! Luffy and Zoro obviously need to straighten things out... (grins)You'll have to wait to find out what happens next. I'm not updating until I get the next chapter of BDAR done. I really need to work on that story… (shifty eyes) I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Shout outs! 

_**Togie**_- Yes, Luffy/Zoro is the best! (glomps pairing) CANON I SAY! (cackles) Thanks for the review!

_**koiana-d**_- (dances with you) Oh, he's 19? Damn, that's the last time I listen to my brother… (glares at bro) Happy you reviewed my story though! Thanks!

**_dichana_**- (hugs you to death) Yay, you're reviewing my story! I feel so honored when people I know review it. And yes, I worked it out so there will be plenty of fluffy moments for both pairings… maybe not so much in this chapter, but the fluff shall come! (gets out OTP flag) Yeah, while I will read Sanji/Zoro, Luffy/Zoro rules my heart. Sanji and Usopp come in a close second. Ace and Sanji rocks my world… though I'm not good at writing it… (sheepish grin) Thanks for the review dear!

_**Anime-Dudette**_- (waggles finger) You dirty, dirty girl!… Hehe, my mind was in the gutter too! Yep, Luffy can be retarded, but this is why I love him so much. And you wrote a Zoro/Usopp story? Wow, I must check this out. (scuttles off) Oh, and I loved the one story with Sanji glomping Usopp in his gym shorts. That rocked so much! (hugs you)

_**AlibisDragon**_- (squeezed the life out of you with a steel grip hug) I. Read. Your. New. Luffy/Zoro. Story. It was the shit. No lie. I'm gonna read it again because it was so good! (cries) You write so well, it should be a crime! I wrote a mammoth of a review that you'll love! (done pouring praise on you) Yeah, I'm supposed to be answering your review… (girns) School is evil. I have marching band, so I barely have much time to write myself. It's a miracle I updated now… (looks at clock) It's midnight right now, so I'm screwed in the morning. Oh well, I'm the multitask queen! I'll sleep with my eyes open tomorrow… (shifty eyes) Thank you so much for the review! You're still like one of my favorite authors!

Reviews are my crack. Don't make me go through withdrawal... ;p


	5. Zoro VS wait, it's not Luffy?

Bandit- (grins) Finally, I updated my other story so I could finish this chapter. (cackles) BDAR LIVES!

Ed- Why the hell are you in this fandom?

Bandit- Get lost Ed, you don't belong here. (snaps fingers)

Ed- (confused) Wha?-- (is suddenly sent flying)

Zoro- Heh. Pipsqueak.

Bandit- SHHHH! Don't let him hear you, idiot!

Ed- WHO YOU CALLIN' A--

Bandit- (sighs) Just read the fic.

Disclaimer- If I owned OP, I'd be in Japan right now on vacation. Sadly, I'm still stuck in Iowa….

(AN)- Another fight, but it's not Zoro vs. Luffy… (grins) Let's see Zoro strut his stuff for our favorite captain…

* * *

Zoro didn't really hate people… well, except Sanji, but that man was a stupid fuck. That was far from the point. 

But Luffy… Never had he met someone to be such a contradiction to everything Zoro expected. The skinny boy could actually fight and really injure the shit out of someone, he had a black hole for a stomach and still looked like a stick, he'd convinced himself that Zoro was nothing but a pansy, and to top it all off…

He managed to have Zoro owe Sanji a favor.

That alone made Zoro want to throw the kid out of his car and drive over the body until investigators couldn't identify it.

The damn cook had certainly taken advantage of the situation, graciously offering to pay for the meal as if he normally did this type of thing all the time. All he asked was for a itsy, bitsy thing in return.

Naturally, Zoro would normally refuse such an offer; this was the Love Cook, after all. There had to be a alternative motive, no matter how sweet the deal looked. Only the fact that he'd be forced to clean the entire BARATIE for a fight he didn't even start swayed his better judgment… _and _the fact he wanted to get back to class so he could cut Luffy into micro-sized pieces. But that self-satisfied smirk Sanji wore when Zoro agreed…

Zoro clutched the wheel tighter, feeling his temper rise and rebel.

When they got back to the dojo, Zoro was gonna put the fear of God into Luffy.

And as a bonus for himself, he'd happily stab Sanji in the throat later that night.

'_Damn you kid! I'm gonna shove all three of my swords up your ass! See who you think is weak then! All the damn trouble you caused me!' _

"Neh, Zoro?"

"What?" the man grounded out, hands twitching for his swords.

"I didn't know you were allowed to go above sixty when the speed thingy says twenty-five," Luffy stated innocently, awe written in his face. "Wow, I'm gonna have to tell my brother he was right all along."

Zoro's eyes darted around, only now just noticing how houses were flying by in a blur. "Oh shit!" How the hell had that happened? Slamming on the brakes, he braced himself as his car squealed to a slower speed, Luffy whooping and hollering next to him.

"Yeah, let's do it again!"

'_What a crazy kid,'_ he thought, not bothering to give Luffy the 'Are you really that dumb?' stare. He already knew the answer to that. Plus, Zoro was just glad no cops had seen him… The last thing he needed now was a…

A loud, shrill noise met his ears, mocking him as he pulled over to the side of the road.

"Cool! The cops!" Luffy jumped up and down in his seat, grinning at Zoro.

"Luffy, that's not cool!" the swordsman snapped.

If Luffy replied Zoro didn't hear him, too busy praying the motorcycle would drive past and leave him be. But life decided to be a real bitch today, and the vehicle winded to a halt behind them. Zoro repressed the urge to bang his head on the steering wheel. He only hoped this would be over soon so he could leave and take his aggression out on Luffy. The boy had no idea what was coming to him.

A man climbed off his motorcycle, slim and tall with a one sword hanging off his hip. Any hope of this being over soon was crushed as the man took off his helmet, smirk visible even from the side mirror. Zoro recognized the policeman. _'Oh hell no…' _

"Well, is this not an honor? Roronoa Zoro…" The name slid between the thin, chapped lips, grating on Zoro's nerves. "I must say, I didn't think my day could get any better, but behold! I get to see your smiling face."

Luffy looked quizzically over his shoulder. "Does he know you, Zoro?" It didn't seem possible. "You're not really smiling…" In fact, he was kinda grinding his teeth together in a painful way. The policeman must've confused the swordsman for someone else.

"Luffy, just let me do the talking," Zoro ordered stiffly. "And yes, I know that dickhead."

Strutting over, the tall male grinned nastily, long hair gracefully covering the left eye and blade sheathed on his hip. "I doubt I need to inform you that you were doing at least forty over the speed limit. License, please."

"It just had to be you, didn't it?" Zoro sneered, not bothering to show a shred of courtesy. "You were probably tailing me." He whipped out his license, watching the man grab it without looking. "Just give me my ticket and fuck off."

"You should so a bit more respect, _swordsman_." The word was spit at Zoro, full of contempt. "I think you're in no position to be giving out orders."

Zoro bit back any snide remark that tried to escape; fighting with Kabaji wouldn't help his predicament. (1) So he kept his silence, icy glare set firmly in front of him. He failed to notice the intent look Luffy was giving him.

"Oh? Giving in already? I'm very disappointed." Kabaji had no intention of letting Zoro off the hook that easy; he would milk this opportunity for all its worth. "Well, I think a ticket of…" He pretended to think hard, before taking out a pad and pen and jotting something down. "Hmmm… how about two hundred?"

"WHAT?" Zoro screeched. "TWO HUNDRED FUCKIN' DOLLARS?"

"Must I repeat myself? Yes, I said two hundred dollars, only now it's two hundred fifty. Please lower your voice; it hurts my delicate ears."

"Hey, that's not fair," Luffy spoke up, forgetting Zoro's earlier command. "You can't do that." Well, actually he didn't quite understand what the policeman had done wrong, but it pissed Zoro off, so it was probably a bad thing.

Kabaji's eyes narrowed slightly. "And I think I shall add on another fifty for the brat."

In response, Zoro's eyes mimicked the policeman's. "You keep the kid out of this, you manipulative fuck. He had nothing to do with this."

"You're really annoying. Leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass," Luffy piped in, then caught Zoro's firm stare. "Oops! Sorry…"

"Another fifty."

As the cost of the ticket rose, so did Zoro's anger. He wasn't sure how long he could hold out now. Kabaji was begging for a fist in the face, which the swordsman wouldn't mind providing him with. _'Deep breaths, deep breaths.'_ Maybe if he kept quiet, the bastard would tire of his game and leave them be. _'Yeah, tried that once and look what happened…'_

Kabaji could see the resolve shining in the green haired man's eyes, but he refused to back off. He wanted to see Zoro's anger and get back at the man for shaming him. The very remembrance of what happened a year ago made his blood boil, his throat ache with hate… He wanted Zoro to lose control, to attack. Then he would happily break the man down to his rightful place: Below him. "You. Boy." He addressed Luffy as he put his pad and pen away. "Get out of the car and put your hands behind your back."

Both men in the car stared in shock. "What?" Luffy gave the man an odd look. "Why should I?"

"If you don't, I'll use force." The sword swayed, as if agreeing.

"Touch him and I'll kill you," Zoro threatened, his hands tightening on the steering wheel again. The fire in his eyes flashed and burned with malice. "I know your game, and I promise to raise hell if you get him involved."

The tall man sneered, leaning casually against the side of Zoro's car. "You have no choice in the matter. He insulted me and threatened a policeman. I'll have to take him in."

"_I_ THREATENED YOU!"

"I'm not going with you," Luffy said. A frown started to form on his face. "You're just a coward."

Kabaji lightly put his hand on the hilt of his sword. "Get out of the car." Luffy's choice of words stung more than the boy knew. No one called him a coward and got away with it…

With sudden speed, the door Kabaji leaned against shot out and roughly pushed the man away. He stumbled from the force, hand now tightening on his weapon. "Ho ho! What have we here?"

Zoro stood, head bent and fists gripped tightly. His menacing aura pulsed with suppressed fury, and even Kabaji had to force his heart to keep steady. "Don't you dare touch my student," he whispered, the promise of pain drenched in every word. "If you wanna pick on someone, you'll deal with me."

"Zoro, you don't have y--"

"Shut up, Luffy!" Zoro snapped, and the boy fell silent. "He's not taking you in. If he touches you I'll beat the shit out of him, police be damned."

Kabaji grinned. This was exactly what he wanted. "You know what I want, Roronoa. I think you owe me a rematch." The blade slid out of its sheath and the tip leveled with Zoro's head. "You are, after all, a cheater." He didn't care he was about to fight in a residential area; he just wanted Zoro to fail.

Before Zoro could say anything, Luffy spoke out of turn again. "Zoro would never cheat. He beat you because you are weak."

The boy's comment made Zoro pause. _'He's defending me?'_ he thought incredulously. Not ten minutes ago the boy had called him weak. "Luffy?…"

"Shut up, you idiot boy," Kabaji snapped. "How would you know? You never saw our fight."

Luffy ignored the comment and kept talking. "I bet Zoro could beat you in five minutes," he announced, looking Kabaji up and down. "You don't look very strong." He grinned and laughed at him, making Kabaji's face turn red.

"Why you little…"

"Heh, let's put your theory to the test, Luffy." Zoro readied himself, trying to ignore the fact he was once again going into a fight with no weapons. And to make things worse, it was Kabaji, a man who didn't mind cheating to win. "But I think I can beat him in three." Yeah, three was _really _stretching it; five minutes would have been tough, but Luffy's sudden confidence in his abilities was a huge boost.

Luffy laughed again, Zoro's comment amusing him. "Yeah, I bet you could! Five minutes is too long!"

"I don't see what you think is so funny," Kabaji sneered, and he too got ready for battle. "The man doesn't even have his swords."

Zoro and Luffy both spoke at the same time:

"I don't need my swords to beat you."

"He doesn't need his swords to beat you!"

A grin fell on the swordsman's lips despite his attempt to hide it, and he ignored the sudden warmth in his stomach.

"Hmph. Fine, you can just tell everyone you lost because you were weaponless," Kabaji taunted.

"Or they'll say how I won, despite having no swords," Zoro countered, and he took great pleasure in watching the taller man's smile grow strained. (2)

"Yeah, go kick his ass, Zoro!" Luffy whooped, and Zoro turned his head a little to give the boy a cocky grin. No way he was losing now. He couldn't let Luffy think he was a wimp, after all.

* * *

The Baratie was cleaned in exactly an hour and two seconds. 

Most of the chefs seriously considered signing a petition to fire Sanji.

Did the chef give a damn? Not in the least. If he had to lose his paycheck, the rest of them might as well follow suit. Besides, not his fault Zeff had one mean internal clock.

If there was a regret in his body, it was that many of the pretty waitresses were forced to suffer life without two week's pay. It hurt his soul to know he'd caused women pain… It would require a bit more sweet talking to slide back in their good graces. Not that he was worried, of course… He _was _a ladies man.

All in all, everyone's livid glares bounced right off him without so much as a second glance. _'Please… it's not like your all gonna die,'_ he thought dryly.

"Pati, if you don't refrain from glaring at me, I'll have to send you back to the medical room for another appointment," Sanji warned, cigarette flickering in his mouth.

"Ya don't scare me, Sanji," the huge man boomed. He visibly backed up, though. "Ya cost everyone here two weeks worth of pay! Don't ya have any regrets?"

Sanji lifted his gaze up to the ceiling and quirked his mouth in thought. "At the moment? No, not really… well, I didn't mean to get all those lovely waitresses in trouble," he sighed. "But there was nothing I could do at that moment in time… I'll make it up to them, somehow…" Maybe he could treat them all to a dinner prepared by himself…Hmm, roasted duck with a tangy orange dipping sauce, one of his specialties…

Pati blubbered in anger. "What about the rest of us?"

Sanji leveled his stare to him. "What about you?" He almost snickered when Pati turned purple.

"Just leave it, Pati. He's a fuckin' ass."

Both Sanji and Pati turned to look at the speaker, and both men took steps back. Well, this certainly was a surprise…

"Hey, liar. You're supposed to be on my side," Sanji quipped, trying to swing Usopp's mood around. Sure, Usopp regularly got annoyed with him, but if looks could kill the cook would be using Pati as a shield right now.

The long nosed teen glared in unhidden anger before turning around and stomping off, muttering death threats at Sanji.

"Hey! Usopp!" The blonde quickly left Pati in favor of his agitated friend. _'What the hell is his problem?'_ "Mind slowing down?"

Usopp didn't bother with a reply and walked faster.

Up to a jog now, Sanji kept in pace with the teen until he finally intercepted Usopp before he could reach the kitchens. "Gonna tell me why you're suddenly PMSing?" he asked, and immediately regretted his lack of finesse.

A bright, red glow hit Usopp's cheeks and his eye twitched. Even Sanji admitted to himself that had been pretty tactless. "Oh, fuck off," he snapped, not bothering to meet Sanji's eyes. "It's not like you'd care anyway."

"Well, I can't care if you keep moping," Sanji pried. "I've never seen you look so nasty. What did I do?"

An explosion threatened to burst for Usopp's mouth. The cook had nerve, Usopp would give him that. "You just made everyone, including me, lose some valuable money. We don't work here out of the goodness of our hearts, dumbass. We like to get _paid_, which is becoming increasingly hard with you around." With each sentence, he poked Sanji harshly in the chest while the other man stood there and took it with annoyed acceptance.

Sanji grunted and billowed smoke out of his mouth. "You act like it's all my fault. Zoro started it."

"You hit him first!" Usopp shouted. "He didn't even have his swords!"

"He was dumb enough to come in here. Face it, the shithead asked for it."

"All he did was treat one of his students to lunch!"

"He did it to piss me off," Sanji replied coolly. "And guess what? He did a damn good job of it."

Sighing to himself, Usopp gave up the argument to stare at a wall. "Never mind… just forget it…" Fighting with Sanji was like trying to explain physics to an egotistical frog. "Go flirt with someone or something…" He waved a hand in a random direction, hoping the chef would take the hint. Right now he didn't want to be near the blonde. "I'm sure Becci would appreciate you company." The effort to make his tone neutral failed miserably.

Sanji's mouth thinned into a line, and without a word he turned to leave as Usopp had requested. "I'm sure Becci will be better company than you. Thanks for the advice." If the long nosed man wanted to be that way, fine. No skin off his teeth. He didn't give a damn. _'Stupid long nosed bastard…' _

Unlike himself, Sanji did know how to keep his voice expressionless, and that stung Usopp more than if the tone had been scathing. _'He really doesn't care…'_ He always knew the man could be a bit on the cruel side, but geeze…

Trying to ignore the burn in his gut, Usopp watched Sanji go off in search of the waitress. Maybe he'd deserved it; Sanji sometimes had odd ways of showing his emotions, but he hadn't be trying to make Usopp feel worse. Probably just his way of saying sorry: by being an all out pain in the ass. _'I… I should apologize…'_ Funny, it was Sanji's fault and here he wa--

The thought was only half-finished when laughter met his ears. Usopp's eyes focused away from his thoughts and back to reality just in time to see Sanji and Becci walk off to the kitchens, the man flirting shamelessly and acting as if nothing had happened.

Usopp straightened his shoulders and turned the other direction. He spied Pati talking with some waiters on break, no doubt speaking of murdering Sanji. The thought momentarily numbed his depression, and he walked over to join them, smile firmly in place. _'Forget it. If he doesn't care, neither do I.'_

It was a shame Usopp could lie to everyone but himself.

* * *

Zoro gasped and threw his head back. 

'_Damn that burned! Can't he watch where he pushes that thing?' _

"This a match, idiot! You can go to jail for killing me!" Zoro yelled, narrowly missing another blow from Kabaji's sword. His left side was starting to bleed from the new cut, but it wasn't nearly bad enough to warrant Zoro's attention.

"Heh, there are no witnesses besides the boy, and who would believe him?" Kabaji grinned, and Zoro wasn't sure if he was joking or not. Either way, it brought him no comfort.

The three minutes were past and done with, along with five minutes and most likely ten. To his shame, he'd spent those minutes trying to find a weak point in the other swordsman's style. He had to grudgingly admit that Kabaji had practiced quite a bit since their last match; not enough to worry Zoro when he had his three swords, but as stated before, he didn't _have _said weapons.

The short answer: Zoro was getting his ass kicked to high heaven.

And to make it more embarrassing, Luffy was watching, no doubt cementing his belief that his sensei was a weakling. He couldn't meet the boy's eyes, almost afraid of the judgment he'd find there. The boy had been shockingly quiet for most of the match, but Zoro could feel the eyes on his back, watching every move he made. So he kept his gaze on Kabaji and waited for the man to strike again.

"You look tired, Roronoa. Want to take a quick breather?" The man's taunt cut through Zoro's ears and the beast within roared with fury.

"I'm just fine, but if you want to take a break, be my guest," the green haired swordsman growled back. _'Damn it, how the hell could I forget them!' _Even if he had just one of his swords, the fight would be over in seconds. His body ached from all the fighting he'd done that day, and even his pride sorely admitted he couldn't hold out for much longer.

Kabaji smirked and got ready for another attack. "This one I call, Mystery Mist Trick!" With a whirl of his sword, dust from the road and air rose up and created a circular tunnel of mist, blocking Zoro's view of his opponent. "What is wrong, Roronoa Zoro? Can you not find me?" The rich voice laughed out as if from all sides.

"What? You have to hide behind your old circus tricks?" Zoro backed away, eyes watering from the dust but waiting for any hint of movement. He felt the grass under his feet, now just realizing where they were. "Good thing most people are at work…" A house loomed close to him, and he kept his back near it. At least Kabaji couldn't attack from the back…

The metallic sound of metal cutting through air hit him, and he ducked low to the ground. All he could do was let instinct take over and make a guess where Kabaji was as he struck out to the left with his fist. It connected with flesh and bone.

"Shit!" Kabaji stumbled back, his 'mystery mist' dispersing. "How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't," Zoro replied easily. It could be seen that Kabaji now had a nice limp to his step, curtesy of Zoro's punch to the shin. It leveled the playing field nicely. "But maybe next time I'll miss. Care to try again?" Confidence returned, and Zoro gave his enemy a nasty grin.

The swordsman growled in response but made no move to attack. That one hit Zoro got in seriously screwed up his plans; the other man would use the sudden lack of speed to his advantage. Kabaji wasn't stupid. There was no way he would win now, and the promise of another defeat at the hands of Zoro tore his insides to pieces.

"Mystery Mist Trick!" More dust flew up, and Zoro grunted in surprise. He hadn't expected Kabaji to take his offer seriously. _'If he wants to try again, he's welcome to.' _It would end the fight sooner.

Zoro waited for an attack, not bothering to put up any defense. His ears and eyes were the only defense he needed for this match. "Wait for it…" he whispered to himself, hoping the sound of his voice would alert Kabaji of his presence.

Nothing happened.

By the time the dust cleared, Zoro realized Kabaji's plan. "WHY THAT STUPID SHIT!"

"Oh Zoro, where'd he go?" Luffy spoke for the first time in seven minutes, that long with silence impressive for him. "He's gone." The boy looked around in confusion. "Did he actually leave? What a coward!"

Zoro hummed in agreement, letting his body relax. His mind buzzed with anger, not happy that the prey had gotten away, especially when victory had been in sight. "He knew he'd lose, so he ran…" Zoro smirked to himself, ego coming back with a vengeance. "Maybe now he'll realize he lost last time for a reason." He began to walk back over to his car, eager to get back to his class.

Luffy smiled and got ready to reply when movement caught his eye. "Wait Zoro!"

"DIVING STAB!"

He was falling too fast for Zoro to dodge. Kabaji was gonna hit him dead on. Zoro stood still as stone, not even turning around to see Kabaji fly down after leaping from the roof of the house.

The stabbing blow went straight through his side and Zoro yelled in pain while Luffy hollered in outrage.

"You attacked from behind! Only a coward fights like that!"

Kabaji smirked nastily at the boy. "If it allows a win, who cares if it's cowardly. I fight to win." He pulled on the hilt of his sword to dislodge it from Zoro's side. "It's his fault he assumed I was done fighting."

His neck snapped backward from the punch, his front teeth immediately uprooted and hitting the back of his throat. Blood gushed out of his screaming mouth, and he let go of his sword for one moment to clutch his bruised mouth.

"And you shouldn't assume a blow like that would finish me," Zoro hissed. He stood tall, barely acknowledging the sword sticking out of his side.

From the car Luffy was going nuts, whooping and hollering in Zoro's honor. To say he was impressed would be the understatement of the year.

"You rock, Zoro! Kick his ass!" the boy cheered in abandon.

Zoro looked back and met Luffy's eyes, a smirk glowing in them. "I'll wrap this up so we can leave." He pulled the sword out, only wincing slightly, and threw the bloody weapon on the ground. More red liquid poured out, but Zoro didn't care. He'd worry about the wound later.

"Hey, why are you not using the sword?" Luffy asked. Zoro _finally _had a weapon, so why not use it?

Zoro felt a grin slide back on his face. "Remember? We said I didn't need a sword to defeat him."

Luffy remembered himself saying that, and nodded. _'Zoro's so cool,' _he commented silently, any thoughts of him being weak out the door for good. A silly smile lit up his face. _'And he's _my _sensei!' _

Kabaji whimpered at the man and started to run for it, but his limp slowed him down too much. By the time Zoro caught him, he would've begged for mercy if blood didn't keep interrupting his speech. It wouldn't have made a difference. As far as Zoro was concerned, Kabaji was long overdue for an ass whoopin'.

* * *

Sanji scanned the restaurant, noticing that business was finally starting to pick up. That was all well and dandy, but now he wouldn't be able to talk to Usopp alone… not that the younger man was willing to talk to him at the moment. 

Cursing mentally, he bit on the filter of his cigarette and reached for another stick of cancer-filled goodness. All he wanted was to find Usopp and apologize so things could get back to normal.

It was odd; the Baratie reminded Sanji most of a gossiping high school. A person you'd never seen in your life could walk up, look you dead in the eye and recite your name, age, the number and names of friends and enemies, and all the people you've dated in the past six years.

So far ten people, mostly female, had chided him roughly for hurting Usopp's feelings and demanded he march back to apologize.

'_What, do they think we're dating or something?'_ The thought momentarily stunned his brain, and Sanji felt his curled eyebrows twitch in disgust and annoyance. That better not be what people were thinking. He'd drop kick the first person to conceive the thought.

"If you scowl any harder your face will stick like that," Usopp commented dryly from beside him, watching the other man closely.

Sanji wasn't able to keep the slightly startled noise from vibrating through his throat. "Where the hell did you come from?" He whirled around to face the waiter. "And where the hell have you been? I've looked all over this damn restaurant."

Usopp shrugged, his entire stance cool and collected. It didn't suit him in Sanji's opinion. "Don't know why you'd care."

Curled eyebrows twitched again. "If it means anything to you, I'm here to apologize."

"For what?"

Sanji faltered for a second. What _was _he apologizing for? _'Oh yeah, his feelings.' _"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." His lips quirked at his save, fairly sure this would be over with soon. Usopp never stayed angry for long, no matter what.

"What makes you think you hurt my feelings?" Usopp asked, a look of mock surprise on his face, and any hopes of forgiveness were effectively crushed. "I mean, I'm a guy. My feelings are worth shit as far as your concerned." Sanji flinched, partly because Usopp actually spoke the truth, and partly because he now could see just how angry Usopp _really _was.

"Hey, just a mi--"

"You're not the least bit sorry. I'm sure the women just saddled you into apologizing. You're doing this for them, not me. So just shut up and don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I forgive you and my wounded feelings won't have to be on your conscience, if you even have one." With that, he turned stiffly and stomped off, definitely more angry than last time.

Sanji could only stand there, feeling like the biggest ass in the world. This in itself was strange; sure, Usopp and he had their share of arguments, but this was the first time he felt like he'd actually done something stupid. It didn't settle right in the blonde's mind.

'_Damn it.'_ Well, in his own defense, Usopp was seriously acting like an angsting female. Fights between him and Zoro were far from uncommon, and the damage could've been so much worse. Only a few broken tables and some dents in the walls? Phfft, big fuckin' whoop…

But facts were facts; he had screwed up big time, so he better fix it before the Baratie closed.

"Oi. He better appreciate that fact we're best friends," Sanji mumbled darkly, making his way after the departing teen. "This is the last time I do this."

* * *

Usopp hung his head as he left Sanji standing there, spirits low. _'Maybe I went overboard…' _That had been one hell of a tongue thrashing; Usopp was sort of proud he could go off like that. The only thing was things between him and Sanji weren't any better. He'd been planning on telling Sanji to forget the whole thing, but the fact Sanji was only apologizing so he could get back in good graces with the female population pissed Usopp off. 

"Maybe I should just forget it…" This was _Sanji_, after all. It was like some divine law written in heaven that the chef should be disgustingly polite to women, half-decent to most men, and outright rude to anyone who pissed him off. Just the way the world worked, so why was he complaining so much? _'Get over it, Usopp.'_

"Hey Usopp!" Becci appeared in his line of vision, waving and pointing to a nearby table filled with quite a bit of people. "We've got some orders for ya! Get your ass over there!"

Usopp held up his hand to show he'd heard, putting on a smile. No time to worry about that blonde. He had work to do.

"Actually, could you get someone else to do it?"

Usopp visibly jumped and came embarrassingly close to screeching when Sanji's voice yelled directly next to his left ear. "What the fuck were you doing right behind me!" He turned and got ready to smack the man. "You almost gave me a fuckin' heart attack, you ass!"

Sanji raised an eyebrow and his blue eye glittered, daring Usopp to strike him.

Usopp quickly put his hand down.

"Becci, would you be gracious enough to let me borrow Usopp for a while!" Sanji called, grinning at the woman who only shook her head in exasperation. "I need to talk to him just for a quick second!"

"I don't wanna talk to you, bastard…" Usopp said sourly, pouting when Sanji ignored the comment.

The woman sighed and gave a 'be my guest' hand gesture. "Just don't keep him long! I need help with some of these tables!" she called out in reply.

"Of course not, my beautiful Becci! This will take a quick second!" Sanji grabbed the other man before he could inch away. "Come on, long nose."

Usopp, to his credit, struggled most of the way as Sanji led him straight to the kitchens. "Sanji, if you haven't guessed, the last person I want to see right now is you!"

"Deal with it," Sanji said bluntly. "You're not working until this is straightened out."

Usopp gulped at the determination in Sanji's voice. This would not end well...

Once again, many of the Baratie chefs had the displeasure of seeing Sanji drag Usopp to the back of the kitchens for a second time.

"Either Sanji has a kicking fetish or Usopp's a frickin' masochist," one commented while flipping the rice. The others hummed in total agreement.

* * *

(1) Yeah, I put him in there. And yes, you spell it with a K. There is no 'C' in the Japanese language… at least not that I know of... 

(2) Yeah, I stole that from the manga… I can't remember if it was in the subbed version or not… XD

Hope everyone was in character. I do believe I made Usopp too much of an angsty female at the end, but I haven't had much experience writing him, so I hope everyone forgives me. ;p

And I was gonna keep going, but it's so much more fun to know you'll be looking forward to the next chapter! ;p No shout out this time, I'm just too tired. And for all you people reading but not reviewing, shame on you! (waggles finger at you) I don't feel the love, people! Make my ego grow and give me a review. I don't care if it's one word! Anything is appreciated!

Just what does Sanji have in store for the brave Usopp? And when will Zoro and Luffy have their fight? Tune in next time for the next exciting episode of Murphy's Law!


	6. Sanji's Apology

Bandit- Wow, this took forever to update. Sorry folks, but the flu sucks.

Zoro- (whistles) You're actually gracing the OP fandom with your presence. Joy.

Bandit- Yes well, I wanna know what happens between Usopp and Sanji.

Usopp- Wait… don't you already know?

Bandit- …………

Usopp- (face palm) Never mind.

Disclaimer- If writing the disclaimer makes me depressed, we all know the answer.

(A/N) Are Luffy and Zoro gonna fight? Will Sanji stop being a royal ass and apologize? I have no idea, the people in my head never tell me anything! ;p

* * *

The broken dishes from earlier were now swept up and in a trash can, ready to be taken out. The floor shined like brand new, not a bit of glass or dirt to tarnish the picture. Any proof that Sanji had tried kicking Usopp's face off two hours before had disappeared, and the blonde grinned slightly. If the Baratie was anything, it was cleaner than most people's butt crack. 

"Do you mind letting me go now?" Usopp asked rather tiredly. He trailed behind Sanji, his forearm still held tightly in the chef's grasp, as if waiting for the younger man to make a run for it. "Even if I did run, you'd catch me."

"Not unless you were really scared," Sanji countered. "Your feet fly in a true moment of fear. I'm molasses in comparison."

As Sanji hoped, the compliment put a small smile on Usopp's face. _'Okay, his mood's better.' _He had a few good seconds in Usopp's favor to explain himself, and hopefully end this poor excuse for an argument. "Usopp, before you go off the deep-end again, will you at least let me ask you one question?" Sanji winced inwardly, hoping his natural sarcasm wouldn't ruin this.

The smile flew off his friend's face to be replaced by a passive gaze. "You just asked me one, but be my guest. Ask away."

The need to say "smart-ass" gnawed on his tongue, but Sanji suppressed it. "Why are you so angry at me?" he asked instead. There. A nice, safe question that Usopp couldn't possibly get pissed about.

'_What kind of question is that?'_ That didn't even merit an answer in the teen's mind. Usopp sighed and experimentally pulled on his trapped arm still in Sanji's grasp, just in case. When that didn't work, he decided he might as well answer the stupid question. "Because you don't care."

Sanji went on the defense. "Who ever said that? It's two weeks worth, Usopp! If it upsets you that much, I'll just go talk to Z--"

"And THAT!" Usopp snapped, stopping Sanji's rant. "Unless it involves scores of women or it's actually life threatening, your empathy level is at negative infinity!"

"I'll have you know I have plenty of empathy! You're just a unforgiving bastard!" Warning signs popped up in his head, startlingly similar to the ones that appeared when he was about to lose the favor of a lovely lady. But this wasn't a lady; this was Usopp.

Sanji told his caution radar to piss off. "I'm trying to be nice about this and you keep acting like I killed your dog!"

Usopp's face turned red in anger, and he pulled more fiercely to free his arm. "Sorry you don't have to pay for school AND an apartment like I do! You've got Zoro to help with finances, whereas I have no one! Money is hard to come by for me, Sanji!"

All the crossness in the blonde grounded to a halt. "When did you start going to school?" Usopp had dropped out, like in tenth grade. He didn't go to school.

The rage filtered across Usopp's face before turning into tired expectancy. "I got to the University of Arts, retard. For drawing…"

Sanji had the nerve to pout. "You never told me this. When did you start going, and how the hell did you get accepted?"

The boy's face turned vengeful again, and Sanji hurried to correct his sentence. "Not that you're not _good_, but that's where all the snobs go, Usopp. Unless you have connections, I never thought you'd get in."

"Yes, well a few of us get in there on talent alone. Shocking, isn't it?" From Usopp's tone, he was no closer to forgiving Sanji than from the beginning of the conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me, though? I would've at least congratulated you or treated you to dinner." He wasn't completely heartless. It stung knowing Usopp didn't care to tell him something this important. "You getting into some uptight university doesn't happen very often."

Usopp sighed and wretched his arm from Sanji. "I did tell you."

"… You did?" Like _hell_. Usopp never once mentioned even applying there.

"Remember Rebecca?" Usopp asked without looking at him while massaging his arm.

The random question caused Sanji to look at him oddly. "Yeah… tall, red hair, pale complexion, a sweetheart. She used to work here. I dated her for a month until she decided I wasn't her type." Sanji sighed forlornly, the old memories opening an old wound. That had been one beautiful woman, and so nice… "Why?"

"Remember when you and her first met?"

What was with all the weird questions? "This has nothing to do with y--"

"Just answer it, asshole."

Sanji growled something relatively unpleasant but did as told. "You and I went to some party for the Baratie. I saw her there, started talking to her, we hit it off nicely. Usopp, you already know this."

Usopp nodded and smiled tightly. "Now, do you remember what you and I were talking about _before _you started promising to sell your soul for her happiness?"

He didn't remember, and the realization made him squirm in guilt. "You told me then?"

Shit.

"Yep." The long nosed teen shrugged unfeelingly. He didn't meet Sanji's eyes.

Neither of them said anything for a good long while.

* * *

"Shit." Zoro crashed into the front seat with a sigh, completely worn out. "Two fights in one day." And he still had one left to go. 

Luffy turned to grin at him. "Wow, you really beat the shit out of him." And without swords, too. Luffy couldn't describe the pride he felt for his sensei right then, so he didn't try. Grinning was good enough.

Zoro nodded in relaxed agreement. Kabaji wouldn't be able to walk without a limp for days… _'and he probably should consider plastic surgery._' The swordsman snickered softly at the thought.

"Na? What's so funny?"

Zoro shook his head and sat up in the seat. "Nothing. Let's get back to the dojo. I'm sure you want to fight me, right?" _'Say no, _please_.'_ Screw his pride. Zoro wanted as shower and a nap.

"I can't wait! If you can beat someone when they have weapons and you don't, you must be hard to beat." Luffy nodded happily to himself, the thought of a hard battle making him brim with excitement. "I'll have to try hard to beat you."

In response, Zoro just smiled and sighed. Of course Luffy would still want to fight him. The swordsman was fast finding out what held top priority in the boy's mind. Fighting was definitely in the top three. Food had a landslide victory.

The engine turned over and roared to life. "Okay, let's leave."

"Hey Zoro?" The swordsman grunted to let Luffy know he'd heard. "What about your wounds?" The boy poked at the red stain from Kabaji's diving stab, his eyebrows dipping in worry. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"If you keep poking it, then yes." Zoro pulled off from the side of the road and headed down the street, all the while swatting Luffy's roaming hand away from his injuries. "Luffy, stop that!"

"But if you're hurt, you won't fight at your best," Luffy stated bluntly. "We can't fight yet. You have to get better."

That odd warmth hit Zoro's stomach again; it wasn't his fault having someone worry about him was a rare occurrence. "Luffy, I'm fine. I can barely feel it."

"Then why did you want me to stop poking it?"

Zoro sputtered something intelligent. "Luffy, just drop it!"

The boy didn't want to let the subject drop, but figured risking Zoro's anger wasn't worth it. So he settled into the passenger's seat, every once in a while casting a glance at the bloody wounds while chewing on his lip.

Every stare from Luffy made Zoro more aware of how many cuts and scrapes he actually had, and he found hard not to squirm in his seat. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Luffy's worry; the swordsman, for some reason or another, found himself holding the boy's opinion in high-esteem. If Luffy was this worried about some shallow wounds, did that mean he still thought Zoro too weak to battle? _'And why do I care anyway?'_ Roronoa Zoro never gave a shit what people thought. No reason to start now.

"I'll fight you tomorrow."

Zoro turned his head slightly so Luffy was in his line of vision. The straw hat was pulled over his face, covering his expression from Zoro's questioning gaze.

"What? Luffy, if its about my in--"

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep." With that, Luffy turned so his back faced his companion. Seconds later, snores emitted from the still form.

Only knowing he could crash if he didn't keep his eyes on the road kept Zoro from staring at the sleeping teen. _'Did he really fall asleep?' _Unable to fathom it, he reached over and cautiously poked the boy on the neck. All he got for his troubles was a rather loud, bellowing snore. _'He really fell asleep…'_

"Well… that was weird," Zoro said awkwardly to the passing air and kept driving. If Luffy insisted on a fight tomorrow, he'd get one. "Heh. Strange kid." Zoro shook his head and smirked. His day couldn't get any weirder.

* * *

Usopp scrubbed the tables while in one of the worst moods ever. Today, he decided, had come directly from hell, most likely the devil's way of saying, "I haven't forgotten about you, Usopp. Surprise!" 

When Sanji had refused to say anything else, Usopp had fled like a cornered rabbit and left him standing for the third time that day. He was getting good as leaving Sanji writhing in guilt. That, unfortunately, never made him feel any better. Feeding off someone else's guilt wasn't his thing.

And to make things significantly worse, the entire Baratie knew he and Sanji weren't on good terms. Most of the waitresses twittered gossip and gave him sympathetic glances whenever possible, the last thing Usopp wanted at the moment. The Brave Usopp didn't need or want their fuckin' sympathy, thank you very much. He could deal with Sanji on his own.

'_I'm just gonna drop it.'_ He'd reached his decision five minutes after fleeing from Sanji. The blonde had made one mistake, big deal. The next time he saw Sanji, he'd yell at him for being a lazy ass as usual, hopefully breaking the stalemate. Then life could get back to normal and he could worry about how he'd pay for college and his apartment. His landlord was one mean bitch.

"I'm sure I can keep her off my back for another month, but what about college?" he muttered to himself. This seriously sucked. Pure luck had gotten him into the University of Arts; only the best of the best got in, or those who had money coming out of their ass. Usopp was relatively sure they wouldn't mind booting him out if he didn't pay fast. "Damn you to hell, Sanji," he seethed, and stopped scrubbing before he tried breaking the table in half. He would hold this mistake over the blonde's head for a _very _long time.

The long-nosed man looked up for more tables to clean and spotted a couple getting ready to leave. "Might as well keep working…" Thinking about blonde-haired cooks caused much stress that needed to be released.

"Hey, Usopp."

'_Well speak of the devil.'_ "You seem to love interrupting me from work." Usopp tried keeping his voice light, but it came out strained. Keeping his back to the man wasn't helping either. They needed to get this over with. "Sanji, look. I--"

Usopp let out an undignified screech when Sanji calmly kicked him in the back, surprisingly gentle so it didn't really hurt. "That's what you get for making me feel so damn guilty," he deadpanned.

The long-nosed teen whirled and got ready to deck him one. "You as--" Once again, Sanji effectively cut Usopp off by leaning in close…

And thrusting an envelope in Usopp's hands.

It took a while before Usopp could get his brain to work. But when his mind woke up from its shock, his knees started to quake and he began to sweat like a stuffed pig.

"Would you back up!" he shouted, pushing Sanji away from him. "And what is this?"

Sanji watched him with a impassive eye, the smoke from his cigarette curling toward the ceiling. "Money saved up from all my paychecks. Just thought you could put it to better use than I could." As soon as he said that, Sanji looked away, oddly nervous. "It should be enough to pay for this month's rent and everything…"

"Wait… You're giving it to me?" Usopp asked dumbly.

Sanji's eye snapped back to him in mild annoyance. "Why _else _would I let you see it?"

Still wary of an alternative motive, Usopp cautiously peeked inside the envelope, half-expecting it to be empty. Instead he found quite a sum of money settled inside, more than enough to cover him financially. _'Holy shit, how much does Zeff pay him?'_ With this, he could easily get by the next two weeks with minimal problems.

Now Sanji was the one wanting to sweat. This was hard enough with Usopp standing there quietly. "Well?" he demanded. "Is that enough, or do you need more?" True, he hadn't said the magic words but this qualified, right?

His answer was a nasty glare, and Sanji's eyebrows shot up. What did he do _now_?

Usopp crossed the small distance to his friend and shoved the envelope back to Sanji. "I can't take that! I, the Great Usopp, do _not _need charity!"

Sanji growled in frustration and shoved the money back. "Well, the Great Usopp is gonna take it anyway!"

"I don't want it!" Shove.

"Too fuckin' bad!" Shove back.

"I won't take it!" Push.

"Damn you, long nose! Take the shitty money!" Hard thrust.

"Okay."

The blonde got ready for another rant when Usopp stopped him short with a wide smile. "Huh?"

"I said okay." He brushed off Sanji's hold on the envelope and took the money. "If it upsets you that much, fine." The teen peered into the folded paper once more, that smile still firm on his face. "Can't believe you're willing to give me over three thousand dollars, but who am I to complain?"

It took a moment for Sanji to understand Usopp's one-eighty attitude. But when he did his face turned pale, the cigarette teetering on his bottom lip. "More than th--! Give me that!" He lunged just as Usopp danced out of the way.

"Nope! Too late!" Usopp chirped over his shoulder, making a mad dash for anywhere other than Sanji. "It's mine now!"

"Usopp!" He hadn't meant to give him _that _much money! "Wait a minute!"

The curly haired boy stopped and turned around, beaming brightly. "Hey, I thought this was your apology? You want it back now?" He schooled his face the best he could and threw the package at Sanji's halting body. "Here, take it back! Some friend you are!"

Sanji caught it neatly and glared. "I can't afford to give you that much! How else am I supposed to pay for myself and the cabbage head!" He took a look into the envelope, and hoped his face wasn't burning. Why was Usopp the only man that could make him feel--…

"… ! You little…"

Usopp was already gone, his laughter causing a great deal of customers to stare at his running form. He ran right out the restaurant; outside would be the safest place from Sanji at that particular moment.

All the while Sanji could do nothing more than stare into the envelope, only a thousand dollars inside. "He got me…" A gurgle of a chuckle escaped, and Sanji bit his lip to keep from erupting from amusement. Leave it to Usopp to effectively ruin his apology and still forgive him.

He'd find the liar later. And next time he'd make sure Usopp kept the money.

* * *

"Luffy… Luffy!" Zoro lightly shook the still sleeping form, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. "We're here." 

"Na… foooooood…" A dribble of drool hung out of Luffy's mouth. "Huuuuunnnnnngggrrrrryyyyyy…"

Zoro frowned. "You already ate three times your weight in food… Luffy!" Now he hit the boy on the side of the head and watched, amused, Luffy spring up with a dazed look in his wide brown eyes.

"Huh? Ace, is it breakfast already?"

"No, we're back at the dojo. It's a little past one in the afternoon." The sun was set high in the sky, and Zoro waited impatiently for Luffy to shake the sleep out of his brain. The swordsman didn't need a sunburn right then. "Hurry up."

"Alright, we made it back!" Luffy jumped out the car and bounded toward the building. "Let's go Zoro! I still have to learn how to use a sword!"

The idea of letting Luffy near a sword again, even a wooden one, made the elder of the two cringe. "You can't learn how to use a sword in a day… You can't learn how to use a sword period." he sighed, more to himself than Luffy. It wasn't like the boy was actually listening. "And I thought we were gonna fight."

Luffy heard that. "No, tomorrow," he called over his shoulder, and paused to wait for Zoro. "I don't want to fight today."

The swordsman could tell his new friend wouldn't budge. And something told him Luffy was right this time; another fight would knock him out cold. "So I can rest up and fight better tomorrow, right?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yep." Luffy grinned. "You should save up your strength. I'm hard to beat." There was no boastful tone in the young man's voice, only the simple truth.

"Well, I suggest you do the same," Zoro countered, his grin matching Luffy's. "I'm not an easy opponent, but you know that now." Of course, Luffy was by no means easy to fight either. His impressive show of strength had impressed even Sanji.

Luffy laughed and rested his hands on his straw hat. "True, you're pretty strong… but I still think I can beat you!"

Lightly placing a punch on the boy's arm, Zoro laughed with him. "I guess we'll just have to see then, won't we?"

"Yeah, we will." Luffy punched him back none too gently, instinctively knowing Zoro could take it. "Come on, Zoro. Let's get back to class." Tugging insistently, the enthusiastic teen pulled his teacher into the dojo and to the others.

"Wait, Luffy! You should probably call me sensei…" The idea didn't sit well with Zoro, but he didn't need other students thinking he was favoring the boy. "Just while we're in class," he added hastily.

If Luffy minded, it didn't show on his smiling face. "Okay, Zoro-sensei!"

'_It doesn't sound right coming from him…'_ Zoro didn't like the added title from Luffy's mouth; in his mind they were already equals, no matter who was teaching who. He was about to say, "To hell with everyone else," but they'd finally reached the inner classroom with Joni instructing some of the younger students. Their rather loud entrance caused everyone to look at them, and the reaction was identical. Almost all the students took one look at Luffy and fled to the corners of the room, being careful to keep a watch out for flying swords now. Only Joni jogged over to greet them.

"Luffy-kun! Zoro-an-- What the hell happened to you!"

"Neh?" Zoro gave Joni's flabbergasted look a confused one before remembering his previous fights. "The shitty cook's PMSing and I ran into Kabaji," he said as if that explained everything.

Joni gave his friend a sympathetic glance, offering to run for the first-aid kit. "Those look like they hurt," he grimaced, and made a show of inspecting the wounds closely. "And this… what the…"

"Oh, that. Kabaji ran me through." Joni visibly paled. "Hey, it only hit meat, not bo--"

Luffy's interest immediately perked. "Meat? Where?"

"No Luffy," Zoro scowled. "No meat." The boy pouted and once again tuned them out. "Like I said, it only hit meat and it doesn't hurt. Don't worry about it, Joni."

"That's what you said last time, before you fainted from blood loss! We had to run you to the hospital!" Joni shouted in vexation.

Luffy picked up the words "Zoro" and "fainting" and broke out into peals of laughter. "Zoro fainted! AHAHAHAHAHA!" He pointed at the swordsman while clutching his stomach. "I can't believe you fainted!"

"I did _not _faint!" Zoro shouted, blushing wildly and trying to protect his honor. "I fell asleep, damn it!" Instead of stopping, Luffy laughed harder.

"No you didn't! Sanji-aniki was shouting over the phone that you'd fallen face first into the mashed potatoes during dinner, and you wouldn't wake up no matter how many times he kicked you!"

Zoro's face resembled a ripe tomato by now. "Would you kindly shut up, Joni!" Luffy continued to howl. "It's not funny Luffy!"

"Yeah it is!" But Luffy did calm down, after a bit more aggressive prompting from Zoro. "Why did you faint, Zoro-sensei?" he finally asked. The wound must've been serious in order to bring Zoro down.

"Well…" The green haired man furrowed his forehead in thought. Honestly, he couldn't remember. Chances were he'd battled with Sanji for use of the car. "I don't know. It doesn't really matter now."

"Probably got into a fight with Sanji," Luffy chuckled, voicing Zoro's thoughts without knowing. "I think he's the only one who can hurt you that bad… besides me."

The last part made Zoro shake his head in amusement. "Confident, aren't you?"

"Yep."

Joni stared at Luffy like he was loose a few screws. "You can't beat Zoro-aniki. Have you seen him fight?"

"Yes," Luffy said steadily. "He's really powerful, even though I never seen him fight with his swords yet." He broke out into a smile. "But I get to see tomorrow. I get to fight him!"

Zoro's friend looked ready to go comatose. "WHAT!" The very thought was inconceivable. Zoro didn't fight with his students unless they were asking for an ass whoopin', and even then he rarely fought back; he let them screw up with their own incompetent mistakes.

"It's fine, Joni. Luffy's stronger than he looks, believe me." His eyes sought out Luffy's seemingly innocent ones. "I'm sure he'll do fine." A brief but overwhelming feeling of connection washed over them both, an agreement between fighters. Neither would be holding back when tomorrow came, and Zoro was startled to realize he trusted Luffy to fight to his full potential. He didn't want his student fighting at half power; after all they'd been through today, Zoro expected Luffy to give his all.

Joni watched this all in disbelief, but he recognized _that _look in Zoro's eye; the one he only wore when getting ready to fight someone of his skill level. If Zoro was this excited about a fight, especially after fighting Kabiji… The kid better be as good as both of them hoped.

"Just don't hurt the kid too bad," Joni advised, walking away to get bandages for Zoro. "We can't have anymore law suits or this place will go under."

Zoro only snorted in response. "Alright Luffy." The moment of connection passed, and the teacher led the student toward some wooden swords away from everyone else. "Let's see if we can get you to hold a sword properly this time…"

"I will! And I get to hear that cool whistling noise again!" Luffy exclaimed. Zoro opened his mouth, then closed it with a snap. _'Why bother?'_ It was doubtful the teen would listen anyway, and Zoro was too tired to reprimand him.

"Yes, you'll hear the whistling noise," he sighed. "Just _try _not to hit anyone…" Luffy's cheerful grin only reminded Zoro he still had half a day to spend with this nut. If he'd known his day would go like this, he never would've gotten out of bed.

Luffy swooped up a sword and slashed it through the air with eagerness. "Look Zoro-sensei! I'm a samurai!"

Zoro felt a smile creep on his face while he continued to watch Luffy vigorously attack his invisible opponent. Well, maybe today wasn't as bad as he'd thought…. He might actually have to thank Sanji for dragging his ass out of bed. Maybe.

* * *

Finally, an update! I know it took forever, and I'll try being quicker next time. Just that writing in two fandoms requires patience… especially when my muses all assault me at the same time. :p 

**_Dichana_**- XD I should give you a medal, because it's your email that finally made me update. :p And I hope you enjoy the San/Uso bit. I found it quite cute. (loves the pairing) Oh, and I have a new friend at LJ! Yeah! (is excited) I shall add you, too! (hugs you) Thanks much for the review and ending my lazy streak!

**_DigitalDreamer_**- Wow, I'm having a celebrity review my story. XD Kidding, but I'm really glad I got a review from you, especially with all your kick-ass ZoLu stories. And the bit with Kabaji kinda snuck in, to tell ya the truth. At first I just had some normal policeman, but then I gave him a sword and he turned into Kabaji. :p My mind is weird. Thanks so much for the review!

_**Macabre Love**_- Yeah, this story seems to grow longer and longer… Gah, now who sounds perverted. XD Aww… thanks! I'm glad you like my writing style! I keep thinking I write too much, but it seems to make people happy! And yeah, we have another SanUso lover! The popularity of the pairing just keeps growing. :p Thanks for the review!

_**Kirby-Chan263**_- Glad you faved it! And I feel Sanji is too mean, so I'll have to work on that. Also feel Usopp's sometimes a bit off, but meh. Sooner or later I'll get the hang of it… right? XD

_**Polw**_- (shudders) I could never make Usopp into a whining girl. That's equivalent to character murder in my opinion. Glad you like the character development, and I'll try updating sooner. Thanks for the review!

_**Shadow wolf**_- (eyes the Zoro plushie) Oh don't worry, Zoro's just fine! He'll be sore in the morning though. XD (grabs plushie) PLUSHIE BANDIT STRIKES! (trips) Oww….

_**Spooky-Chan**_- Aw, I'm glad I made your Halloween that much better. I love making people happy! (hits you) And where are your updates, girl? Though I shouldn't be talking when it comes to updating…. (coughs) Neh, update when you can! (huggles you)

_**De Ladyu**_- Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others! XD Thanks for the review!

**_AlibisDragon_**- (gets hit in head with candy) OW! You almost poked my eye out! XD

Oh, but you are, without a doubt, one of my fave reviewers! Your reviews are so mammothy! (hugs) But anyway, sorry it took so long to update, but hey! Here's a chapter to appease you! And I think you're right about the uncertainty between Usopp and Sanji. I've also noticed you approached It's the Onions (which kicks ass, by the way) with Sanji already having his feelings figured out and Usopp left in the dark, while I took the opposite trail and had Usopp in love with Sanji. I don't know why, but it's interesting seeing it from that point of view. XD Makes me love the story more.

And I totally understand the "plot bunny" problem. I have this one SanUso story gnawing at my brain, but I'm reluctant to write it. I'm not sure of the reaction it would get, so for now it stays locked away in my head with all the other strange bunnies. And the drabble bunnies are starting to multiply… Bah, so many ideas…. XD Thanks much for the review! (superglomps you)

**_Griever5_**- Kabaji and Zoro fighting is love! That was my favorite part, so I'm glad you liked it too! XD Thanks for the review!

Wow… this chapter gets the record for most reviews! Keep 'em comin' folks! More reviews means faster updates… hopefully. XD REVIEW!


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